A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I’m not sure about if I should be with my fiancé or not. I feel because I ask the question that it should be the obvious answer. But I don’t know if my expectations are just wrong.I’ve been with him for 10 years, we have a house together.I think he’s attractive, but our interests and personalities are very different now. I generally feel insecure and he doesn’t really do anything to help that by pointing out flaws and not making me feel attractive or even smart. He wants to stay inside all the time and I want to go out. He doesn’t share much interest in things I do. He doesn’t listen to me much and I feel I’m a pain when I want to talk to him about problems or vent. If I’m away for the weekend to my family, it’s out of sight out of mind and I don’t hear from him except if I contact him. He’ll generally make it quick and short answers. He is a nice person and loving. I’m just not sure he speaks my love language or wants to learn it.I just don’t feel fullfilled or inspired or excited to see him. But our life is just generally quiet and get on with things. I can live with him and we get on and stuff. I just don’t know if I should be looking for something more for someone i spend my whole life with or is it too perfectionistic and too much pressure to put on a partner. Is getting on fine enough? I’m scared to make the wrong decision. My whole life is entangled about him and part me thinks I’ve just waited this long because it’s easy and too hard to change. I can’t understand my feelings.I don’t know how I should feel about my partner after being together so long. I know it’s not supposed to be all rainbows, so maybe this is what it’s meant to be and I’ve nothing to worry about. I can’t tell if I’ve just got cold feet.The headlines on relationship sites all say ur partner should make you feel content and the person you run to first with news or want to spend the most time with, that your excited to hang out with. Should make you feel special and loved and the one you can lean on most.Is that all true or a fantasy and too much pressure?
View related questions:
fiance, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2019): relationships go through ups and downs and love and excitment ebbs and flows so I'd almost always say, hey, maybe try and find the spark again by doing stuff together, try new things, remember what brought you together. Except you said this "he doesn’t really do anything to help that by pointing out flaws and not making me feel attractive or even smart." and that's just baseline crappy treatment. if your partner is making you feel bad about yourself he's not it.
deep down the idea of leaving him either makes you sad or nervous but excited. Which is it?
|
