A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been goin out with my b/f for almost 2 years and we never have sex. He put it off at first saying he had too much to drink, or that he was too tired, but then he eventually told me he had a problem with gettin it up 'coz he's so nervous about messing it up.I don't know what to do because he can't even talk to me about it anymore and it's driving me crazy. I dont know how to approach the topic without hurting his feelings. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Is he masterbating? If he can masterbate, he can have sex. Tell him you don't want sex, you just want to snuggle with him, naked. Any normal male would respond to that with a hard on. Have you been naked with him at all? He needs to at the very least be working at keeping you happy, he is being totally selfish. He could touch you and kiss you and help you masterbate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): That sounds fustrating.
I agree with "mystifiedme"... Tell him how much you love him and make him feel secure. Try and make him as comfortable as possible. Talk to him about how much you want to take things further in your relationship and although you know that he is scared he will screw it up... That there is no possibility that he could ever do that because you love hi and you are willing to be patient and take things at his own speed. If you are gentle with him and tell him how much you want this, but still let him have control of the situation then maybe he will open enough and feel comfortable enough to move forwards to the next level of that relationship.
If sex really isn't an option for him and he refuses further to talk about it then maybe you have to look at deeper reasons for his insecurities.
Maybe couples councilling would help you two communicate and tell each other your fears and needs. It will give you a safe place to talk about them and you should, after a while, be able to tell if you are compatible and if there is any chance of moving things forwards and into the bed room.
Good Luck. Let us know. Emivia. x
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A
female
reader, Robyn18  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Hi. im robyn from scotland and i know exactly how you feel. i was with my ex partner for a year and a month and we never had sex once. I was a virgin when i was with him so i blamed myself for so long thinking it was because i was a virgin he didnt want to sleep with me. his parents are religeous so i wonderd if that was it. or whether or not he simply didnt fancy me. and when i asked him. blatantly. straight out. no beating around the bush. he never told me. and i still dont know to this day. the point is. i know you want to be careful about hurting his feelings. but he has to know how its hurting you too. take a firm stand and tell him he has to talk about it for the sake of your relationship. no sex in a serious adult relationships is a problem.. no matter how perfect the rest of the relationship is.
the only other option i tried was to spill my gutts to him. tell him every detail and feeling and worry or excitement about having sex. maybe opeining up to him will help him open up and relax about it.
x
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A
female
reader, mystifiedme +, writes (24 June 2008):
Yikes! Yer in a difficult situation there!
Obviously it must have taken a lot of courage for him to open up to admit it at the start...maybe you should just let him know that the problem isn't really the sex issue..it's that he can't talk to you...tell him that your here for him and really need for you two to feel safe enough with eachother to talk!
I really don't know...but I'd jsut wrap him up in cotton wool and let him know how much you love him..by also letting him know that you have to trust eahcother with your true feeligns and fears!
God I really hope this helps!
good luck!!!
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