A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So...8 months into our engagement I guess we are broken up. My fiance threw a fit my last week of college since the week before graduation is a big party week. He felt I didn't spend enough time talking to him on the phone, so he just didn't show up when he was supposed to for graduation. Told me i had made a pathetic effort and he wasn't coming...kept threatening that this was the last straw. He came later and was very angry and lashed out at my parents which really upset me. His parents got involved and hung up on my mom, so basically my grad wknd was ruined. We talked and tried working it out, but I feel angry and resentful. I suggested maybe we should rethink marriage and he got really angry and hurt. After that, he started showing up really late, not calling when he said he would, not coming over and saying it's because he wants to have a good day and not fight with me. I am so hurt. I have noticed that he is a person who does like to payback or punish someone who hurts him...even me.Last week all my college gf's were here from all over. He didn't want to come to see them. They are in our wedding and he hasn't seen them in months.On the phone he is mean and acts like he doesn't care about me. He says I love you, but acts this way. Told me it wasn't worth talking to me and that he didn't come over because he "wasn't in the mood".I blew up and told him I was through. I told him if this was how he felt that he should never call me again because I needed to get over it.Maybe it's stupid, but after that...since we are engaged and he's said so many worse things to me, I guess I stupidly thought he would call or come over anyway...that he would fight for me...for us. But then I remembered that anytime we have had a bad problem he doesn't talk to me for a week or more and then he is raging talking about how hurt he is. He never sees what he does to me.Should I call him and apologize. I feel like that's the pattern and I resent it. I'm not sure if I can be w/him anymore but I don't want to throw away 7 years either.Do you think he assumes the engagement has been broken over the phone? Please help me know what to do. So confused and hurting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionagain, tennisstar88...you're so right. I guess it's sort of fairytale of me to think he would come charging after me....he was always so mushy and gushing I love you's. I'm beginning to think it was all a dream. What could he be thinking?
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Your welcome, ive been in your shoes before..his loss..its rather sad but we cherish those years u know but theyre the ones who decided it to throw it away. Were just standing up as logical adults and saying I dont have to be unhappy, u cant talk to me this way, and guess what I deserve better!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the great response tennisstar. It really helped. It has now been a week and he has made no effort to contact me. Whatever. Can't believe a guy who was all over me just last week and for the past seven years could just walk away. :0( Thanks for the support.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
Why should u apologize? U didnt do anything wrong. He lashed out at ur rents thats a deal breaker for me, dont disrespect my rents and involve them..Plus, he ruined ur special weekend just bc he u didnt spend enough time talking to him on the phone? He sounds immature, selfish and with a bad temper at that. Im proud of u for handling this very maturely when he pushed and pushed u till ur at ur breaking point. Im gonna go ahead and tell u if u have doubts now its ok to call the engagement off. U guys are gonna fight all couples do that, but it would be wise to postpone the wedding. If he's been like this from day one then he's not going to change so think about who ure marrying. Another option is couples counseling and it actually works there's techniques for listening they teach u and it actually works. Also went on a marriage retreat and that helped us not argue too. Whatever u decide make sure that u will be happy and u have no doubts whatsoever. Best of luck to u!
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