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female
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anonymous
writes: Lately, my boyfriend is working a lot, but he goes weeks without calling me at all. He says he is too tired at night when he gets home, but he doesn't call during the day or in the morning before he goes and he can't take 30 seconds aftter he gets home to even let me know he is alive. Should I be worried about this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jojo +, writes (16 August 2005):
yes i would get a new boyfriend, if this man cannot take one minute out of his busy life for you then he doesnot deserve you, dont bother with him he obviously is not bothered about you, move on and get someone who really cares who can take the time and make you happy, after all at the moment your already single really, why not take the step and get someone new to phone who will be ready and willing to return your calls no matter how busy or tierd they are.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 August 2005):
 You don't say how long this has been going on, but the fact that he hasn't rung in "weeks" gives me some clue that this isn't a new development.
Firstly, it's possible that he really is just working extremely hard right now, and so it just really, truly 'too tired'. Sometimes men feel that they really have to put in 100% on a particular project, without realising that this doesn't leave much of them at the end of the day for the people that they love.
This could be what's happening with your relationship right now. Have you spoken to him yet to ask how he's coping with the workload? Have you tried getting some parameters from him about what contact he can handle right now? Ask him if he minds if you check in with him (maybe at a certain time every couple of days) now and then, to take the pressure off his end. Explain that you only want to keep in touch while he's in this very stressful period.
The response you get should help clarify this issue.
If he doesn't want you to contact him, and he can't be bothered to make the effort to ring you, then it's pretty clear what he's indicating, although it's kind of the coward's way to break up with you.
When you discuss this with him, don't let it turn into an argument. That means you don't get pouty or accusatory or make statements like "you couldn't take 30 seconds after you get home..." etc. Just let him know that you want to be sure that your information is clear.
You can't prevent someone breaking up with you if they're determined to, but try to refrain from putting words into him mouth. If he wants to break it off, then just be sure that it's his idea, and not just the easiest guess.
Remember that all relationships have periods of Up and periods of Down. If he's just working too hard and you struggle through this period together, then ultimately, your overall relationship will be stronger.
Good luck.
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