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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex-boyfriend is goes from hot to cold and only seems to want me when he is emotionally in need. All I really want is friendship but he seems to like all the I love you bullshit game stuff. He avoids any questions that are not easily answered. How do I tell him that he is a total lame ass and if he would just stop all the bull shit we could be friends? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (16 August 2005):
 How about just being up front and blatant and saying exactly that. Stop the crap and be an adult already! Sweet heart...remember there was a reason he is an ex and not a present...tolerating his games is just going to encourage them more...it is either he stops and behaves his age or go play in a damn sand box!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005): Are you are avoiding conflict with your ex by NOT telling him to stop or have you told him and he's simply not respecting your wishes? You do realize..you owe him nothing but friendship and that's only because, you "choose" to be his friend. But the more you are accept his emotional neediness..the more you are enabling him, to keep doing it. It will just keep going on and on. He's using you to satisfy that area of his life where he feels most empty.
There is no other way.. just tell him "straight up and to the point". He's being very selfish and wants "all the lovey dovey stuff" and it's draining you and trying your patience. It's one thing to be friends with the guy-but he's going way over the line. It's time to set some strict boundries with him. If he doesn't stop-next he gets all overly emotional with you-cut him off at the pass and walk away. He'll get the hint. You have a choice here-to tolerate it or not. Maybe..you should seriously rethink this "friendship" with him. This could be a good example of WHY many people say it's tough to be friends with one's ex after a break up. He's just not letting go of the emotional aspects of what you shared with him-and that is his problem, not yours. Good luck in whatever you do...and take care of YOU.
Hugs and smiles, Irish
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 August 2005):
 What questions are you asking that are easily answered?
So when he is emotionally in need, he gets all romantic and tells you he loves you and then he goes cold I guess?
Do you only want friendship with him? You need to make sure you aren't giving him any false ideas and need to be very straight with him.
I'm not sure your wording would work! But then, if nothing else has worked...
You just need to make it clear to him that your relationship is over and you would like to remain friends but if he persists on the emotional games, then you would like to back out of it all. Its the only way to get through to him and to remind him that you aren't actually together anymore.
It may be the case that this guy won't be able to handle only friendship with you and then you will have to reconsider trying to pursue only friendship with him.
I hope this helps.
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