A
female
age
51-59,
*TOPALREADY
writes:My situation is a little different than I've read here. I haven't don't have proff of an affair but...My hubby of 10 months had an ex-girlfriend call him out of the blue. She first called his cell but we have poor reception where we live. She called back to back (within 2 minutes). He said he couldn't make out what they were saying and he said he didn't know the number but I suggested he use our home phone to call them: maybe it was something important since whoever it was called twice. He did...as he dialed the number he left the room. As he was talking, he walked in and out of the room and was giving alot of "yes/no" answers. They talked about 5 minutes. When he hung up I asked who it was and he said it was his friend "Joe's" wife "Suzy". I asked if that was the same "Suzy" he dated and he was quick to say that it was but they had not 'dated' like I meant.(he seemed really nervous) I asked if was she still married to Joe and he said yes. I asked what she wanted and he said he really didn't know. I just blew it off 'cause I trusted him. The next day he had to leave town on a trip for work. On day three of his trip I was looking over our cell phone bill and her number appeared on it. She had called again. The next call he made was to me but he didn't tell me she had called again! I got upset! I tell him everything and everyone I talk to! When I confronted him he got angry and accused me of 'checking up on him' which I wasn't. This time he said she wanted to know something concerning his line of work. Her brother is involved in the same line of work so she thought he could help her clarify something. I dropped the issue..maybe I over reacted and I apologized. Throughout the whole week he was gone I rarely spoke to him, could never reach him. When I did speak to him he kept the calls very brief because he always had to go. I visited him on location that weekend(my idea) and the tension was papable. He wasn't happy that I was there and his asociates avoided me or kept conversations to a minimum. Over the last weeks I've discovered that "Suzy" was actually a live-in lover for a period of 5 months and she isn't married to "Joe" but to "Bill". I caught him several other small lies over things that don't matter...like where he had lunch, details about cell phone set-up etc. I also caught him watching porn which I know is a guy thing but it still bothers me. I've found out that he has profiles on several social networks that I didn't know about. One of which is very racy.I'm his 3rd wife, he's my second husband. We have no children together. I have one child that lives with us and two of his three children live with us as well. I'm the primary caregiver since he works at night and travels some for work. I work full time, take care our home and children. I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong. I don't want to be suspious but I can't help myself. We don't talk like he used to. We are hardly ever intimate. Am I losing it?
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female
reader, Reyna +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Before you question him, do you have any reason to believe that he might cheat? what was the reason that the other marriages ended?has he talked about any cheating that he has done in the past? has he ever cheated on you?It seems like you have reasons to doubt but you are also overreacting. He obviously is hiding something from you,something that might upset you, but it can be a lot of things, probably not even related to that suzy woman, unless you have seen him act like this before and the reason was that he was cheating or in the process of it. I think you should not talk to him right now, if you feel something is going on you might want to act normal for a while, so he thinks you are not doubting him, he will let his guard down a little and it will be easier for you to find proof that something is wrong. But also remember that when you look for something you usually find something,be prepared for everything that might come, this is a very delicate situation for your marriage.I hope you resolve this problem, i wish you luck and take care.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Umm, you were checking up on him....because he obviously needs to be checked up on! 'Suzy' needs to take her problems to someone else. No, you're not losing it.
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A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (26 September 2009):
You have every right to be suspicious. Little lies only lead to bigger lies. I hope he is not cheating, and he may not be you may be over reacting. One thing that I have noticed though, is that a woman's intuition is rarely wrong. Dig a litte deeper before you jump to conclusions get solid proof, then make a decision on what to do next. We almost always know when they are unfaithful, it is proving it that is hard. You love him and I know you will do anything to keep that love, but if he is doing what you think, you may want to move on. I really hope your wrong I hate to see this happen to people it is awful to have to deal with that. Be strong and take care of yourself don't let him hurt you. Also, if he is cheating do not think that it is your fault, do not dwell on what you may have done wrong. Best of luck.
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