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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I had lied to my boyfriend about my past and he always accuses me of lying ever since, even though I don't do it anymore. He's always jealous because of my past. And he's always self-righteous about lying and all... I always though he was honest!I have issues with my body, I have small boobs and all that. I always asked him if he looked at pictures of naked women,a nd he said no, he only watched amateur porn for the acts. But today he admitted he does look at pics of naked women, the "perfect types", with huge boobs, skinny as hella nd big butts... an he said "So what? If you don't like it, let's break up, I have no problem". Which makes me feel like he prefers them to me, so I broke up with him.Now I feel like shit, because I already hate my body and lack of boobs,a nd this only makes me feel uglier and the fact he always accused me of lying and that he did the same just hurts so much!I hate this, I feel disgusting, I'll never be that perfect....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Sounds like your better of without someone like this. Thankfully you don't have to waist any more of your preciouse time with this person.
Well we have to make mistakes to learn to become better people. So don't beat your self up about the lies youve said because it's done now and you carnt take them back.
It sounds like you have learned your lesson.
Men are very visual beings so thats why they like to watch porn and look at these pictures. My boyfriend watches porn and has looked at porn mags in the past and it use to hurt me. Thats just how men are. It dosent mean that they don't think we are beautiful. They care about us and thats something that they don't do for these women.
I think you did the right think splitting up with someone that carn't meet your needs to be honest.
The feeling I get is that he sounds a bit manipulative, especily if he's lieing to you himself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): it sounds to me like you had a lucky escape getting out of that relationship! it was toxic, and it sounded to me like your ex found it easier to just manipulate your low self esteem by beating you over the head with your past mistake than to actually try forgiving you and moving on. he treated you cruelly probably because you let him, because on the inside you are treating yourself cruelly by hating yourself. so try starting off, just baby steps, doing something positive for yourself, give yourself a little boost here and there, and it will get easier to accept yourself for who you are.
if you don't already do it, a good place to start to give yourself a boost is regular exercise. sounds boring, i know, but it really does work. it gets your heart beating, releases 'feel good' hormones, gets you 'out' of yourself, and keeps you healthy & glowing. you don't have to go to a gym, just do something you enjoy - swimming, football, horseriding -whatever.maybe join a sports club - lots of athletics clubs for example do women-only meet & train groups for all levels of fitness. not only will you get exercise, but you'll meet people & maybe make friends. speaking of friends, if you haven't been meeting up with friends, call them up, arrange a day out, go to the cinema, shopping, anything you enjoy. get enough sleep every night (7-8 hours), eat lots of fresh food (veg, fish, chicken, fruit, salads)-no processed crap! & treat yourself sometimes to something naughty!
this might all sound like i'm going off on a tangent, but when you look after your body & keep it healthy, you will look good and will feel tonnes better about yourself.
after that, read up about clothes to suit your figure, what necklines suit a smaller bust. get measured for a bra - the experts tell us most women are wearing the wrong-sized bra. it will make a huge difference! get a bra with padding in it if you feel you need it. get a friend whose dress sense you admire & whose opinion you respect to take you shopping. try different colours & styles, see what makes the most of your figure & your colouring. if you have some spare cash, try an image consultant, most of them will have 2 hour appointments where they can give you basic advice & tips.
something that i personally found brilliant for getting comfortable with what i have and feeling sexy was a burlesque dance class. a women-only class, there were women there of ALL shapes & sizes - tall, short, skinny, curvy, big bellies, flat bellies, big boobs, small boobs - all dressed in corsets and fishnets, looking great, learning damn hot sexy moves & having an absolute blast!! once we got over feeling self conscious, it was brilliant, a great laugh! and believe me if you didnt feel sexy before going in, you sure as hell did when you came out!!
and mark my words on this, for every hang up you have about your body, there will be another women out there with another hang up who would probably kill for what you have! believe me, there is probably some poor woman out there suffering chronic back ache caused by her huge double J's who would kill for a nice compact pair like yours ;-) and as an ex boyf used to say to me, any more than a handful is a waste! there's actually an episode of sex & the city (season 3?) where charlotte goes into a steam room feeling highly self conscious of her figure until she looks around & realises that actually, her figure is ok, & then another woman gives her an envious compliment on how great she looks. so EVERY woman no matter how perfect looking YOU might think they are will have a part of her she's not happy with. it's all a matter of playing up your best features. being sexy is all about attitude and not one bit about looks - any man worth his salt will tell you that.
and just believe me when i say this: the women in the magazines are just fantasy designed to play up to men's fantasies..... they don't represent real women at all. remember, in reality, those girls have probably spent thousands on cosmetic surgery getting implants & facelifts etc, then spent hours with hairdressers & beauticians before the photo shoot & then have their pictures airbrushed probably beyond recognition, & all so that they can look like this image of a 'perfect' woman that has been created in some third dimension. in short, they are not real.
just remember that if you are healthy & happy & living your life just as you want to you will meet a guy who thinks you are perfect just the way you are!
good luck xo
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): You shouldn't have lied to your boyfriend. He will never be able to get over that, so it is good that you have broken up with him - and you will be able to learn to be honest and truthful in future relationships. Relationships are all about communication (I know everyone says this, but it is true).
You are perfect in your own right and in somebody's eyes you are perfect to them (please don't change anything about yourself to please some idiot or to conform to the photoshop society)!
You may be self conscious now - but when you find the right guy, all that will melt away (because you will be able to tell that he only has eyes for you and you will be the most beautiful woman in the world to him)!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Sorry for the pain and hurt your going frew.Just because your boobs are not huge doesnt mean to say that your not just as attractive as woman with big boobs.I think what makes a person look good is a number of things. The clothes someone wears can have a big effect on how you feel about yourself. When I get dressed up to go some were nice I feel amazing. I know how nice I look and I do feel a'lot more attractive. It's also important to were the right kind of clothing that suits you. You have to find the right colours an styles that suit your body shape the best because they will do you the most favours. You don't need to spend alot of money to make yourself look good, you just need to be able to know how to were the right things.My sister has told me that she feels her boobs are small and she seems upset about this. Just because your boobs arent huge dosent make you any less of a woman. My sister is very beautiful and look like a proper lady, she turns plenty of heads in the street. She is far from unattractive and she dosent have these huge boobs.It took me 23 years to realise that their will always be people who are better off and worse off than myself. When an x bf of mine said to me that he could get 50 woman if he wanted to, I said yes you can but thier is only one of me. There are plenty of amazing looking woman out their but if they only have their looks to catch a man and keep one then their relationships won't last very long. Know why, well I have spent a good two years of my life learing about what is attractive to men. It's your personality that will give you the reall atraction factor and keep a man.I've learned so much about myself and men. You should type mimi tanner in to google and then it will give you links to sign up to 3 emails if your intrested.Just rember this, NOONE is perfect. Everony has self isues about the way they look. Some people are just better at covering this up.
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