A
female
age
30-35,
*inley
writes:I'm 24 and I've been with a few different guys. The other day my boyfriend asked me if I've ever had a orgasim with him and I honestly couldn't answer. I've had times during sex with him where my legs will shake and it feels downright amazing but I've never came. (and that's what a orgasim is, right?) I don't know if it's something wrong with my body or what. Also, I don't get wet before sex. I never have. It's really embarrassing and it can be kinda painfull if he tries to stick it in like that. We've do oral before we have sex, and he'll finger me too but I still NEVER get wet. I don't really wanna use lube because I just think it's kinda weird. I'd rather it be natural, ya know? Please help!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2014):
 Auntie Cindy brings up some good points.
GO see your doctor/Gyno and get checked. Do NOT douche with all the scented crap you see in the store. It can be that your PH balance is totally out of whack because of over douching/perfume where it doesn't belong.
My question to you is, CAN you get yourself off? Have you ever masturbated and orgasmed? Of not, have at it. FIND out HOW you get off. What makes you tick. Once you "master" that SHOW your BF how to get you off. (most likely you will be able to orgasm not from penetration but clitoral stimulation).
Lastly ARE you aroused when having sex? DO you WANT him? Or are you having sex to please him?
Oral is oral. If not done right or if it just doesn't do anything FOR you, it will NOT arouse you. I'd take a LOt longer with the foreplay.
Lubrication is VITAL for YOUR enjoyment, so if you do NOT produce much lubrication then for goodness sake USE some. Toilet paper isn't "natural" either but you still use it, don't you? So look at lube as an AID to make it more pleasurable for you.
As for your legs shaking... well can be that you are so tense that once you stop/he is done and you try and relax you get the shakes. OR you are in positions where you use muscles you normally don't.
So my advice are for starters two-fold.
1. go see your gyno/doctor and get your hormone levels tested.
2. learn to climax on your own. Use your fingers or showerhead, what not - don't go for penetration.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): This: "If you don't know if you've had an orgasm or not, then you haven't had one."
No I don't know, OP. What's the problem with lube? Your obsession with it being "natural" means you're at risk of some serious damage down there. There's a reason the vagina lubricates, it's a very important process. Without that you can get tears and fissures that lead to infections that can completely destroy your ability to have sex, some can even lead to infertility. Do your homework, OP. You're incapable of doing it "naturally" without some very severe risks.
Chi is right if you're able to get wet at other times or on your own then your boyfriend is just crap at foreplay and you only really get going during sex and only sometimes.
Actually Chi is only half right, you're just as responsible for knowing how your body works as he is, if not more and the fact you think "natural" is a thing tells me you need to do some more sexual self-exploration and some reading about the physical processes.
I can't do dry penetration because of my foreskin, it's too painful and my wife is too tight when not aroused, so we have lube for quickies or I haven't enough pre-cum built up to offset it. If we don't have lube then she'll orally lubricate my penis if you know what I mean. I guess if you insist on it being natural then you could do that.
Do head to a gyn though. Any physical issues are best checked by a doctor. Dryness is a common issue, OP, it's mostly due to something minor but you should never take the chance it's a sign of a bigger problem, so go to a gyn they'll be able to help you.
And please, stop being sentimental about lube, it doesn't make sex any less special unless you're a maverick that gets off on the risk of ruining your lady bits.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (13 July 2014):
I would say, try masturbating a bunch to see what gets you wet. YOU need to figure out what works for you. Watch some porn, read some stories, fantasize. And then communicate this to your future partners. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 If you don't know if you've had an orgasm or not, then you haven't had one. Orgasms are not mistaken for anything else, and they're not shaking of legs. An orgasm is a point of climax, not just feeling really good. An orgasm often comes abruptly, suddenly, and then you feel a definite point where it starts and where it ends. It's a wave of sensation coming over your body all of a sudden, and if you got to ask.. then you haven't had it. Because it's so significant you will know when you've had one.
Use lube, for heavens sake. And get checked out by your doctor just to be sure it isn't anything with your health that causes dryness. But my bet is: your boyfriend doesn't turn you on. Sad, but most likely true.
I didn't really know what it meant to be turned on fully until my latest boyfriend came along. Until him I thought I was getting wet enough, because I did indeed get wet. But with him? Woah, I was soaked down there! I'm not gonna go into further details, just wanted to let you know that when the chemistry is right between two bodies, it's on like a house on fire. Our bodies just matched and loved one another, on a very instinctual level, rather than on an intellectual level. Your body just knows when something is right and when something isn't. Your boyfriend might be a great guy, but... your body doesn't agree with you.
So what to do, dump him? Yes, or... just start using LUBRICANT. Problem solved. Go all natural if all you want is crappy sex for the next few years... Start improvising and buy lube if you want to improve your sex life. Or find another boyfriend who can actually turn you on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 Consult your OB/GYN and get tested for hormonal levels.. Such a stubborn vaginal dryness is rather common just before , or during ,menopause, ( or also, pregnancy and breastfeeding ) and it is caused by insufficient levels of estrogen in your body- which , in those states , is normal and physiological, but in a girl of 22-25, it's not. Your doctor will give you prescriptions ( in general , extrogen creams to apply locally ) to solve the problem, and also hopefully find out WHY your body is not producing enough estrogen.
Other things that may cause vaginal dryness are smoking too much and douching too often... but not to that extent, I'd say, so- better see a doctor.
This, assuming that you FEEL aroused, just not lubricated. I suppose you do, because the shaking legs etc. would indicate so : that you ARE aroused , only your body does not show it.
( But some times, people do not get wet - simply because there's no physical, " animal " chemistry. Maybe even with a much loved and cherished partner , who on paper has all the numbers for being liked by you... only , our bodies have a mind of their own, they know what they want and you can't trick them. There's no amount of " he's such a great guy " that convince them to cooperate ).
As for the lack of orgasms, that's a difficult one, because the causes could be numerous, psychological, emotional, physical, it could be about your childhood, or about him not being skilled enough, it could be anxiety, ... but I'd start from taking care of the dryness anyway, I mean, ouch !, it must feel like being sandpapered, no wonder that you do not have orgasms if you feel pain or discomfort !, you have to be able to be very relaxed to climax, and how relaxed can a woman be while she is getting sandpapered ?
So- see a doctor, and in the meantime, use lube , why the reluctance ?! Yes it would be better if you had your natural secretions, same as it s better having a 20/20 eyesight than wearing glasses,... but if you don't want to have car accidents, or walk yourself into a pole, you'd wear glasses without thinking about twice.
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