A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy at work, who I will call "John". John is a real chick magnet. Every girl, whether workmate or customer, is attracted to him. E.g. while I am talking to a female customer, she snatches looks at John, and many times smiles to him.The other day, two young girls(workmates), who are completely straight, were touching, massaging etc. each other. I pointed this out to another male workmate, who told me that they only muck around with each other, when John is near them, as he was then, as this is a way females try to attract members of the opposite sex that they have a crush on. Is he correct? Do girls do this? The last thing I would do to try attracting girls is to fondle other guys!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): Sure, it happens. Why? Because it works. It gets the attention they desire. Obviously men fooling around with men isn't the same, since women generally don't find that attractive, but you'd have to be incredibly naive to think men don't do things to get attention from the opposite gender.But there's two important things to remember here. First, not all women do this. Secondly, not all women who are affectionate towards each other are doing it to get attention. Just because your other male coworker says these particular women are doing it for that reason, it doesn't mean you have to be stupid enough to make the same assumption. It's more likely a case of confirmation bias, where he only *notices* it when John's around. That doesn't mean it only *happens* when John's around. Much like how you notice the women who look/smile at John, but don't notice the ones who don't, and come to the misguided conclusion that "every" woman is attracted to him. Our brains work in funny ways sometimes. When you convince yourself something is true, it can be very hard to shake that notion.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 July 2014):
 I don't have an answer for you, but I wish I was like John!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 Some girls do, I'm sure. NOT all.
I'd say "attention.. ummm.. seeker" are the ones who primarily do that. It's kinda pathetic.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 July 2014):
Dear OP,
Most girls don't do this. But..a minority of girls really think this is a great strategy of attracting men and they are even right. It's basically saying "look at me, I am soo experimental, pornstar-style sexy..". It's totally not my style, but okay. Whatever makes them happy. I just feel sorry for lesbian couples, because due chicks like that, they are really misunderstood whenever they hold hands or kiss in publics.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Yes, they do. I'll be honest, I find it rather insulting to women who actually are bi or lesbian. It gives some men the impression there are no "true" lesbians, and that ALL women just do it for male attention.
It doesn't work the other way around, because women typically aren't visually stimulated by 2 guys fondling each other.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 while is a sexual arrousal to see girls on girls. it doesn't mean they're trying to "capture" John. Theu may just be gay, ergo, no problem, right?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 Let me start by saying that often... fondling is in the eye of the beholder, I mean, women are more physically expressive, tactile and affectionate than men, you don't see hetero men walking around hand in hand or arm in arm, women do it , my 80something mom and her 90 something sister do it too, I doubt they want to attract male attention, at least I hope that's not the case :). So, fondling to me would mean grabbing and caressing each other boobs, stuff like that , and frankly I am surprised they would do that at work, with or without John around, must be a very casual work environment ! So maybe they weren't fondling each other, they were giving each other a back rub for their aching shoulders , or a bit of a cuddle.
Anyway, yes, I have occasionally seen this kind of attention seeking behaviours and if they display it's because it works, it gets them attention. Easy to guess why, OP- what's the most common , garden-variety male erotic fantasy OP ? You got it, having a threesome, or anyway watching two women getting it on.These girls , when they do this stuff, aren't signaling : we are lesbians , they are signaling : we are wild and freaky and up for everything.
The reasons why it does not work the same the other way around , I guess because not the same majority of women are aroused by a MFM threesome, or by watching two men having sex. Poor guys, I suppose it's not your fault but actually seeing two men having sex is not that erotic ( unless you are an homosexual male ), I have seen- not male porn , but avantgarde German movies ( Fassbinder or Wenders or some other bore like that :) with very explicit male to male sex scenes, and, well. I always say that male parts are a bit like seafood, it may feel great once you have put it inside you, but generally if you have to look at it , it's not much of a pretty sight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Yeah of course they do. Same reason they flash their arse and tits or smack your arse.
There's plenty of desperate attention seekers around.
It's mainly young women of course because it's basically just an advertisement about how easy a lay they'll be.
I think the phrase they use these days is DTF. It's basically just a display of a willingness to open their legs. I'm not that big a fan of attention seekers, but they were prime targets for one night stands of which I've had many and of course it's their life, if they find that fun then why not?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Yes I do think that some hetrosexual girls exhibit some sexualised behaviour towards other girls deliberately to get a response out of men. Although, I don't know whether that's happening in this case
I have some friends who used to kiss and cuddle in night clubs as so many men would gawp or try and approach them afterwards. I expect atmosphere, alcohol and youth played a part in this as well - it's not something that my friends tend to do now we're all older. It was strictly a "party trick"
Girls who do this know that it's often a man's ultimate fantasy to have two women at the same time and their behaviour is meant to tantalise men with this fantasy -"pick me and your fantasy will come true." "pick me and you'll get us both" - and it does seem to work sometimes.
However, women are usually far more demonstrative than men when it comes to displays of physical affection between same sex friends. Especially in the UK. It's quite normal for girls to kiss each other on the cheek in greeting and congratulation. It's normal for them to hug when they're both happy and sad. I find hand holding and arm-linking very common. Giving each other shoulder and back massages isn't inappropriate.
I don't know exactly how touchy-feely these girls are being but if their touching is clearly sexualised (rather than just normal girly behaviour) then your colleague is probably right.
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A
female
reader, fitbabe1987  +, writes (13 July 2014):
i believe girls do it coz they know it turns guys,on. the guy thinks he mite get two chicks at once, which guys want. how ever, it,will backfire, coz he will only see them as a play toy. And girls,arent turned on with guys touching each other. its not really the same.
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