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I don't get it...why the sudden change in him?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 May 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 13 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So me and this guy have been bestfriends for about 4 years, there was never connection between us. Not as far as I was aware. One of my friends, who used to be his too, told me that he used to say I was pretty and wants to kiss me, you get the point. I thought she was lying, because I generally have trust issues with people and couldn't imagine him feeling anything for me.

A few months ago, I developed feelings for him and it wasn't that bad at first. But they intensified and I found myself getting very jealous over any other girl he was around. A girl I'd never met also developed feelings for him, and as usual in our friendship; he told me about her and the situation. (He didn't know my feelings). I told him to 'go for it', and ask her out because I wanted him to be happy and he wouldn't get it with me. My feelings have subsided now and the girl he is with, she's quite nice. A little immature and annoying but I can live with that if he's happy.

He told her to talk to me, apparently for me to see how 'perfect' she is. Which I think is a little weird, I can understand if he'd want us to be friends because of where we stand in his life, but when she told me that, it doesn't sound right.

I've been losing weight for the past few months and I suppose it's beginning to show as people keep commenting on it. I also had my hair cut in the past week. Ever since he has been giving me so much attention. The first moment he saw my new hairstyle he leaned into me and whispered 'I love your hair', now we've never been the type of friends who are touchy feely. If you know what I mean. Then he commented on my weight loss, he'd never paid so much attention to my appearance apart from when he was critising something.

Today he was telling me about this other girl who possibly likes him -he's happy with his girlfriend- and he was showing me what this other girl had been doing. For example; shaking hands then entwining their fingers, except he showed me that about seven times, each time with our hands. He then start feeling my leg up, saying that's what she was doing. And he began staying closer to me at breaks and stuff, he'd go off to find his girlfriend then come back without her saying he couldn't find her. Not that big of a deal, but usually he'd look more than two minutes. Plus he's asked me to see this movie with him, just me and him and when our friend overheard and invited herself he seemed a bit... I don't know... stunned? His friend that I've met once, is in a small band. Instead of inviting his girlfriend and getting her free passes, he got me them.

I don't get why he's suddenly changed. Thanks in advance :)

View related questions: immature, jealous

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A male reader, CommonSpencer United States +, writes (13 May 2009):

It seems like this guys terrible attempt to get you jealous. Maybe he got with that girl just to make you jealous and make you see what you were missing and what he really wants is to be with you, but he is probably afraid it will jeopardize your friendship. A few direct questions can always figure a situation out(, but I know how most woman dread asking the guy out for some reason)...

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