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I don't find my husband attractive when he shaves his beard!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2021) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2021)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

When my husband shaves his beard I do not find him attractive at all. I have mentioned this to him and when he tries to kiss me and become affectionate I pull back because I do not like how he looks. He looks like another person when he has his beard.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2021):

The beard just wants you to know how much it appreciated your admiration.

It has hopped onto another man for now but with careful persuasion it may yet return to adorn your husband's face.

Meanwhile you will have to settle for looking into his eyes.

And telling him how wonderful he really is!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2021):

I met my boyfriend without his beard and was attracted to him, then he grew his beard and I fancied him more with it. From time to time he shaves it off and it feels like I'm with a new man and it takes a bit of getting used to. But it's the same man, just like us they like to experiment with their looks and then you get used to them without their beard again. I think its normal, some men really do look completely different with or without one, just accept it's a change but hes still the man you love and married

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A female reader, Alwin South Africa +, writes (10 September 2021):

Alwin agony auntSame OP, I prefer my partner with a beard too, luckily I haven't seen him without it. He also prefers me with long hair but he would never talk me out of cutting it short because we respect each other's choices and preferences. UNfortunatelly you can only suggest that he keep it, compliment him when he grows it to see if he can be convinced to maintain it, but otherwise I don't think there's much to be done.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2021):

Better ask him to grow it back then. I'm sure if you explain that having a beard makes him more sexy looking he will probably just do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2021):

Ha ha ha! Yes, when you're used to someone who has always had a beard, or a certain hair color, you tend to fixate on that particular familiar attribute as part of what you love about that person. It becomes one of the things you focus on as how you recognize them.

My mom wore her hair down to her butt. One summer she cut it to midway her back. My dad freaked-out about it! She let it grow back, of course. I admit, I freaked a little too!

You'll grow used to it, because the soul and spirit of your beloved husband has not changed.

I'd known my now-deceased partner of 28 years since we were about 16. He grew a goatee when he was in his 20's. It became his signature look, and he wore it well. He looked so cool. He decided to shave it off in his late 30's. I had completely forgotten he had a cleft in his chin! It creeped me out for weeks! Even looking back at old pictures, I didn't particularly notice it. I know how you feel! He wasn't any less handsome, just so...different!

Now your husband has put you to the test. If you love him, you'll love him no matter how much he changes. He will change with age.

You're only in your 20's now. Someday gravity will pull at what is perky springy for now. The body will lose its natural tone and youthful suppleness you have now. Your body will become fuller; and you will have lines and wrinkles, that appear it seems that come out of nowhere. Strands of gray will start to replace the lovely shiny color you presently like to whip around in your bouncy flowing head of hair. You'll cut it, or color it. He has to like it, or else!

You will hope he's still attracted to you then. Shaving a beard doesn't change a man so drastically you no longer wish to have sex with him. You've got other issues, my dear. Just remember, what goes around comes around.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (9 September 2021):

kenny agony auntI think its a bit shallow as well, he is still the same person beard or no beard.

Its facial hair, surely it does not take long to grow back.

How would you feel if you changed something about yourself and he never liked it.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States +, writes (9 September 2021):

Fatherly Advice agony auntBut, thanks for the vote in favor of beards!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (9 September 2021):

Honeypie agony auntWell, that is a bit shallow OP

What if you dye or cut your hair and your husband pulls away because you are not as attractive to him anymore?

Grow up.

It's the PERSON you are married to, not the beard (I hope)

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