A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been in a relationship for little over a year now and I am begining to lose interest in the girl. After the first six months of the relationship I thought this girl was the one. But recently I have not felt the same way. She wants to transfer to my college and get an apartment so she obviously feels the same way about me. This is a nice girl that I care about so I dont want to completly crush her, any ideas on how to break the news?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 It's always difficult to know the right thing to say when you want to break up with someone. Let her know that you really like and respect her as a person but she's just not the right person for you and you're sure she'll meet that person in time. Here's a link that might help you.
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-up-With-Someone-Using-Style-and-Sensitivity
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): You have to be cruel to be kind so tell her as soon as possible. It is always hard to finish with someone but often it has to be done. One minute we think we are with the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and it can change overnight, so don't feel that you are the first person to ever feel this way. Just be brave and talk to her about it but don't string her along until she ends up living with you. Be kind and end it now.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, JJ-*Onyx*- +, writes (11 February 2007):
It would be nice if you tell her upfront! You need to make it a special night and then at the end just tell her that the relationship isnt working and that you two can still hang out normally but that you don't really like her! The truth never hurts as much as a lie!!!
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 February 2007):
 You need to tell her as soon as possible. Otherwise she'll feel like you've been stringing her along. Break it to her as gently as possible in person. However tempting it is to not do it face to face she deserves the truth face to face. I would tell her that while you've really enjoyed the relationship that your heart just isn't in it anymore. She will probably try to convince you to change your mind but you have to be firm, no matter how upset she is so she doesn't harbour false hope. After this it will go one of two ways. Either she will tell you she never wants to see you again and will ignore you for a few months until she starts to miss you, or she'll ask if you can stay friends. If she does this say you'd be glad to stay friends but you think it'd be a good idea not to see each other for a few months while you get used to the change in your relationship. The reason I say this is because every ex I've ever stayed friends with I start out thinking I can win them back. Space will give you both time to settle down and come to terms with the way things have changed. Hope this helps.
CD
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A
female
reader, JulietteElise +, writes (11 February 2007):
 You need to tell her, right away. she deserves to know ASAP. Explain to her, that though you do care for her, you are not yet ready to live together, and that you don't want her to change colleges jsut to be closer to you because education is important so she should be at a school for whats best for her degree. Just tell her its all happening so fast, and its overwhellming you, because it sounds a bit like this is true.
So i ask you, what is it you are haveing doubts about? Is it just that the "spark" is gone? or is it that you really are just scared because things are moveing too fast.... if its that you stillw ant to date her but arent ready for this huge change yet.... just tell her all of this. Because then it really is that its all too fast, etc. Don't feel bad for telling her this, because many people need time to adjust to huge changes in their lives, and you just might need more time before takeing a big step like this. (also remember that just because u live with a g/f dousnt mean you will marry them.... but... obviosuly, its better if she dousnt change colleges and moves when you are feeling like this).
If it really is that you have lost intrest in dateing her, you need to tell her this.... and there really is no way it can be done without hurting her since she obviosuly is willing to change her life for you. You need to be honest, but obviously respectfull and kind. Tell her how wonderfull she is, and that you care about her very much, and that is why it is so hard for you to tell her this, but that you need "some time" or just break off with her completly. Whatever you do, u need to be honest, and reassureing.
You will cause her pain.... but pain and broken hearts eventually heal somewhat... and some people, though they do love and care for eachother, arent compatable for a relationship other then as friends. but, if it really is that you can't date her anymore, then its best to break up, since dragging it on longer is not only liveing a lie, and makeing it worse for each of you, but will make it that much harder and more painfull when the breakup does come.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (11 February 2007):
 That is what dating is all about, finding out if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Or should be all about.
You need to do the gentlemanly thing and mabe go for a walk in a park or on a seashore etc. and try to break it to her gently.
Believe me, I know what kind of situation you are in but you will see it will work out for the best. Doc.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (11 February 2007):
 I think the longer you leave it the harder it will get, for you and for her.
This girl will initially be heartbroken, but in time she will get over it. It is the right thing to do to tell her your not in love with her anymore, as soon as possible, if not you are giving her false hope.
She is a nice girl & you care about her, so she deserves to know your feelings towards her have changed.
Good luck
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