A
female
age
30-35,
*-bear-x
writes:Hi, I really need help. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now (and for 4 years previous to that we were best friends). We had a short break in our relationship about 2 months ago, this was because things were'nt really moving forward as we had never done anything more than kiss and we werent altogether sure that we had a future as anything more than friends. However in our 2 week break, i discovered that i really do love my boyfriend, and i want to move things forward. I am 99% sure he wants to take things forward too! The problem is that however much i want us to sleep together or get intimate i just freak out and go totally shy. I don't know what to do. I know i want our relationship to work, and i want to show my boyfriend how much i love him. I just can't do it. I'm a virgin and absolutely petrified of having sex! Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Love doesn't equal sex. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will respect your opinions. It's worth it to wait!
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Feeling a little worried about having sex is totally natural but your feelings seem to be a little extreme. Maybe you're not 100% ready for sex yet? There's a difference between being ready physically (which you are) and being ready psychologically which it sounds like you're not. You'll get there if you're patient with yourself and take things slow with your boyfriend. It might also make you feel more secure by becoming as knowledgeable and prepared as possible by researching the risk of STIs and arranging to discuss contraception methods with your doctor. Sometimes the practical preparation is what makes you panic. When that's all in place you might well feel readier but never feel forced into doing something you don't want to. You have years to have sex!
CD
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Sweetheart, you are still a bit young to be concerning yourself with becoming sexually active at this point.
If you take pride at all in still having your virginity then you should take a good hard look at whether or not you want to give it up that easily.
My daughter will be 23 in May and is very proud that she still has her virginity and has been going with a guy for over a year now.
It has not been easy for her at times especially when this guy had a sexual relationship with his ex, so for awhile he was putting great pressure on her about it. She stuck to her guns though and is proud of it. (Not to mention I had words with him about it and he knows I would kill him would he have continued the pressure.
The point is, a good relationship can carry on between you even with a high moral posture in place.
If not, he is not the man for you. You don't want someone who only seeks his own interests without consideration for yours. Now go do the right thing for you.;) Doc.
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