A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi in nov of 2004 my mom set me up with a guy she worked with we hit it off very well had lots of fun by feb 2005 i, oops, got pregnant. his job moved so we did i left my firends behind. my moms job moved too so she stayed with us which sucked. we dont like the town where we lived so we moved 45 mins more away to his family and he drove to work. in the mean time he would leave and go out with his friends for days at a time and spend every dime we had so after about 15 months of hell i by then had a cheap car left moved back home. he of course followed and did the same shit and every once in a while still does my question is i dont feel like i am in love with him but his parents pay for whatever we want and i want my lil girl to be with her daddy every day and have everything i dont have. we never got married so i feel like its easy to leave but i dont make any where near as much as him and cant provied for my lil girl as well as he can.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 OK so after your mum set you up with this guy, you were with him for about 3 months and suddenly you are pregnant!
Wow that is fast in anyone's books. You really didn't know what type of guy he was at this stage so it was a huge committment quite early on in the relationship.
When you do end up moving which was not your choice, you leave everyone behind like the friends that you have known for a long time and you don't have anyone for moral support apart from your mum. Sounds to me that things were a little forced by your mum in this situation, living with parents on your doorstep is never very good in my opinion.
So then if I am right the place where you moved is awful and so you then move closer to his family and so you are even more dejected and feeling lonely and you no longer have the friends around you that you know.
So you are now living back in the area you know with your friends close by. You don't have to put up with someone who you no longer love or want to be with.
At the end of the day - do you love your daughter with all your heart? If the answer is yes then you can do anything on your own believe me.
You don't have to stop her daddy from being with her everyday, if he wants to be around her then let him move into somewhere on his own, he has to support you financially as you have his child. Don't let the support from his parents rule your decisions for the rest of your lives.
Are you going to stay with this man until your daughter is old enough to fend for herself and in the meantime you are bored to tears and end up having affairs with several different men to satisfy what is lacking in your own relationship with your daughter's daddy?
You have to put yourself and your daughter first. Never think that you can't do it on your own as many many women do every day.
If he is going off spending every last dime then he is hardly being a responsible father or partner to you is he?
Perhaps his parents feel guilty about the way in which their son behaves and it is guilt money that they lavish on you and their grand-daughter.
He could go out of the picture all together but it still doesn't mean that you have to stop access for them to see their grand-daughter.
Think long and hard about what you want and just having daddy seeing her every day is not always the right thing for her in the long term.
Go and find out what you would be able to get if you lived alone with your daughter as presumably she is only 2 and so you would not be able to work full-time so you should be able to get some sort of financial help from the state or government being a single mum?
Plan ahead and then decide what your best options are, don't just feel that you have no choice in this, you do honest.
Always here OK.
Take care and stay strong and positive as mummy's always are.
From one who knows only too well.
BFN
Country Woman
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