A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone:) i have a small problem,id like to change it if i can.im single and really hoping to find someone soon for the long haul.my problem is,most guys im attracted to are ( in my opinion) wayyyy out of my league.im not ugly by any means,but im not a super model.i think im pretty but have more of the girl next door look.i attract some guys that would probably be considered fairly attractive to most people...but if im not super attracted to them then i feel weird,like im trying to date someone im not really into.i feel like maybe im really passing up some good guys,but because i like a certain "look" i dont let it go anywhere with them.how can i get past this flaw in my personality? i really dont like this about myself.i mean i know attraction is important...but for me its impossible to find a guy, becuz they dont all come in a tall,dark haired and handsome package.and the ones that do look that way want the girls who are tall,disgustingly skinny,and have on a fake face.any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cowboy  +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Just because a guy looks a certain way doesn't mean he'll automatically be attracted to a particular type of girl.
I think you'll find that a lot of guys like the 'girl next door' look much more than the 'skeleton with makeup' look that you see so much in the media.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Wow!Mr.Anonymous Why don't you join as an agony aunt here?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Well this is an easy one- you don't seem to understand the concept of attraction. As odd as that sounds, if you truly wanted a guy for the long haul you wouldn't care if he wasn't perfectly "tall,dark haired and handsome". If you think that's the definition of a "nice guy" then boy have you got it wrong. I'm not trying to sound racist, or maybe my gf just told me this to make me feel better, but on her recent trip to Europe where unfortunately for me a lot of the guys probably looked like that, she actually discovered that they tend to be quite the opposite of nice. In fact I probably couldn't write some of the stuff she said about them here. If you're desperate to get a guy like that, that's probably how they'll treat you- easy, deperate and not good enough for them. You sound like you're meeting some attractive guys (perhaps on a par with you physically) but because they aren't supermodels you're not even giving them a chance. If you really want a guy for the long haul he'll make you laugh, treat you well, have something interesting to say, and all that other boyfriendy stuff. Sounds to me like you want a trophy guy to link arms with and show off to your friends for a short fling, just to say you've been there done that. But I think what you really want is a boyfriend, so it's time to change your filter and find one of those instead
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A
female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Hmm...maybe you should stop looking for the perfect guy, and stop looking for anyone to date at all. You could start by going out, making new friends, and then see where it leads to, it's always best to get to know the person first, and you never know, you may be attracted to him, more than you are with other guys, with just there looks you have to base it on.
Also, don't worry about feeling attractive enough, if you feel confident it will show, and will get noticed by people. Yeah, it seems like every guy wants a supermodel kind of girl, which does really suck, but there is a guy out there who will consider himself the luckiest guy in the world to be with you. All you have to do is wait until he comes along.
Hope this helps.
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