A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok Guys help me out. I don't think I am happy but until I can understand what is going in my mind I am not ready to give up.I met a good guy who started talking marriage earlly. I felt very lucky because all the guys have dated normally took their time before having such conversation.What I think was weird was that the first time we met he was talking to his friend and boom he refered to me as his girlfriend. I just thought to myself that hmm when did I become his girlfriend? But hey I just went with the flow because I like that I did not have to be one fo those girls hoping and waiting for the day when the guy will ask to take a relationship to the next level. Then another weird thing is that the first time he told me He loved me, he kinda forced me to say I love him too. Once again I just went with the flow.Don't get me wrong I have already fallen for this guy the whole time we were just chatting on phone before we met.Ok fastfoward I have a man that made all those clueless "where are we at in this relationship" easy for me. He introduced me to his friends in no time and they all treat us like we are married.But something is just not right. He is not an emotionally available guy. He blamed it on his drive to be successful in his business. But I feel like he should create more time if he cares. I don't feel like he worships the ground I walk on. I dont have this wild feeling of a man that will go above and beyond to make me happy. Why do I feel this way? He has done everything to show me he is serious about me and tells me all the time he knows I am the one. So what is lacking? I love him so much I cant think straight sometimes. But Why do I feel like he is not chasing me enough? Did I make it too easy for him by not acting hard to get? I did not want to play hard to get because his approach to me was very genuine and I was impressed so I did not think I should test him in the beginning.What can I do to save this relationship? I don't think I am happy. But everytime I try to make a move to move on, I feel like I am about to make a terrible mistake. If I talk about it, he always tell me everything is going to be alright. I have had patience and just have been going with the flow but can I really make him do all these things? Basically I need that security and feeling of a man loving me like no one else ut its lacking.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Usually when a man says he's not going anywhere and wants to settle down, you get a ring. Maybe you feel strung along in some way like all his words aren't amounting to much and he's content keeping the status quo?
I think men have a tendancy to get too comfortable if you let them but this doesn't mean something is wrong in your relationship. They just need to be reminded how they can lose you if they don't mind their p's and q's. Start getting busy with your own interests and be less accessible and available.
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (27 January 2012):
This is actually quite easy. Your gut feeling is that something is wrong and your analytical mind is trying to make sense of it and rationalise things. On paper he may have lots of good points but deep down you have serious misgivings. Most people look back and wish they had trusted that gut feeling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks happy140.
To calrify things, let me let you all know that its been a year and some months so I know definitely I am in love and head over heels witht his man. I can live with him and that I know for sure. Yes, he moved us too fast early on and I was scared to let him know we need to slow down because i was enjoying how interested he was so into me in the beginning.
The problem now is things have really slowed down. Its like we both know what we want but i'm putting more effort into getting there than he is. I thought things were going to continue to be like when we first met but he has completely slowed things down. My emotional needs are not being met and the attention is no longer there. He is not working on our relationship at all but when we do have the talks he tells me he is still all the way in this relationship and he wants this to work. However actions are not matching what he says.
This is why I am not happy. I feel like he did all those things in the beginning just to get me where I am now. Now that he knows he has me he is really not fulfilling the needs of a caring boyfriend.
I am tired of talking about it because I am feeling like a complainer and a nag. But the silence makes me angry.
I am not happy and that is that but I am in love.
I just need to know why I am not happy when he is making me know that he is not going anywhere and it is me he wants to settle down with.
SHould I just hang in there and give it time and be miserable?
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (27 January 2012):
 You need a long talk with yourself. Sounds like YOU wanted to initiate alot of things that he already did. He is also moving FASTER than you can handle. You need to ask yourself are you really in love yet. Yes you may be crazy for him but not in love with him. Ask yourself if you could live WITH him. all his faults and everything else, can you truley spend 24 hours a day with all your free time (not working) around him. If not your not in love. I always say the difference is marry the one you can live with not the one you can't live without. It really sounds as if thing got so forward so quickly that your unsure of where you are in the relationship. You sound as if your really not in love "I went with the flow" Thats not love that just spontaniuos emotions running wild. You should be able to talk to him about where you are and if you don't feel confortable or he won't help you find out whats missing then he isn't for you. This early in a relationship you should be able to talk to him and he should support you to get you where you need to be if he truley wants you. You keep going with the flow and you'll end up pregnant and married to a man you are not in love with. You really have to have a heart to heart and let him know he has just moved to fast for you.
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