A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm a 28 y.o guy and I have a three and a half year old son with my ex-wife. Even though he has my name I still don't feel an emotional connection, like a father would feel for his son. the evil tongues say he isn't really my son. and Yes my ex-wife confessed to cheating on me with another guy before. I've been there for this kid financially, but he doesn't look like me. I'm hispanic with very white complexion this kid is very tan even though my ex wife is that way. I've looked for any signs that he looks like me, a very particular Birthmark all of my family members have somewhere on their body. He doesn't have my hair, he doesn't have my complexion, my eyes, my nose, nothing.I have a 5 month old daughter with my girlfriend and she really looks like me. I have no doubt she is my child, but I don't feel the same way for him. I dont know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Another vote to get a test.
Don't wait 10 years either. Do it now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): you will always have doubts so yes a paternity test is the best thing. have you considered what you will do if he is not yours? will your ex have some explaining to do.i would also like to add - now that you have another child, be careful you do not start showing more affection to her than "your son". sometimes as parents we mess up our kids lives when they are innocent. this child did not choose its paternity, showing preference for one child will cause a huge problems later on. i also think you need to talk to your ex wife about the paternity issue. resolve it once and for all. genetics is sometimes strange - just because our kids do not look like us does it mean that they are not ours. my son doesn't look like my husband. he looks like my family. his complexion, his face, hands etc. and my daughter looks like my hb and his family. strange thing this genetics.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Two Words....Paternity Test!
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A
female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 I was reading about a mixed race couple who both look like medium brown skinned African Americans. They had twins and one twin came out looking like a medium skinned African American; the other twin came out looking totally White - I mean blond hair and blue eyes white. and there was no doubt of the paternity.
The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes the kids come out looking like you and sometimes they come out looking like their other relatives. and if he resembles the wife then there you are, he probably just looks like that side of the family.
You don't feel a connection to him because you didn't let yourself connect with him because you have these doubts; and because you have busy body, meddling people feeding these thoughts in your head. don't let this further weaken your relationship with your son, he may be the only son you will have.
Also this little boy does not have anything to do with his paternity and is probably wondering why daddy is so distant.
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