A
male
age
26-29,
*ourglass776
writes:Me and this girl broke up a while ago, after about a month she came over to play some video games and chat. It was getting real late and she was getting tired so I offered her to stay the night. During that we began cuddling and making out and it led to sex.This girl is super nice and everything I would want in a girl but i dont feel a spark. She really likes me and tried dating a few other guys since then but doesnt feel the same like she is with me (or so she tells me)I don’t feel a spark with her but i still had sex with her. What should I do? How should I treat her?
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broke up, spark, video games Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 May 2018):
 You really need to tell her clearly that you are not interested in her sexually or romantically. She needs to know where she stands because it sounds like she has feelings for you and well if she keeps trying she is going to keep getting hurt. It is impossible for her to be just a friend to you if she has feelings for you even though she might settle to have you as a friend in her life she will never have a chance to get over you and she will keep hurting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2018): She's looking for more than a friend. You only clarified you did in fact take advantage of her in full-knowledge of that.
Young ladies who are romantically-attracted to you don't want to be your friend. You are only stringing her along with your decision to friend-zone her; after breaking-up with her.
Dude, have a heart!
You know she couldn't move-on with other guys. Seems you like knowing that!
So now you're toying with her affections, stringing her along; and stroking your ego. Your clarification makes the situation seem even worse than it was before.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (20 May 2018):
 Simple.
Stop having sex with her. It’s not fair to play with someone’s emotions especially when you KNOW they like you. It’s easy to make them do what you want when they have feelings for you. It will happen to you one day though, you will get burned by a girl and you’ll think back to this moment and realise that it hurts to be on the receiving end.
If you don’t feel anything, then leave her be. Taking advantage of people is a dick move.
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A
male
reader, hourglass776 +, writes (20 May 2018):
hourglass776 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to thank everyone for responding to this question. I feel like I should have given more clarification to the situation. Currently, we both want to keep in contact with each other. I want to at least talk to her more because i dont have many real life friends other than her and a few others. Anyway thank you all for your harsh words. I honestly do regret what i did to her and Im scared I may repreat this in future so Ill do anything to prevent it
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (20 May 2018):
 Firstly, you should not have slept with her knowing how she felt because this only makes things harder for her.
It's normal to feel that someone is what you want (on paper) but not what you need (no spark). Personally I've been through that and it turns out that I dodged a bullet in the end (thank goodness) but this guy keeps trying to come back. My point is; don't get involved in something that you aren't really into because you will only end up hurting this girl further. It's better to let her go now rather than end up hurting her further. The fact of the matter is that you've crossed a boundary with her a long time ago and since that has happened, these little chill sessions in which the two of you play video games and chill WILL NOT end well for HER since they mean more to her. A friendship can only return back to a friendship when both people agree that it doesn't work and they both feel NO spark. In which case it can be laughed off as a stupid idea and life can continue on (it has happened to me). Since this chick caught feelings, being friends is out of the question, trust me. You've got to be honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel about the situation. Thereafter, it's best if the two of you cut contact for a while for the mere fact that, to get over someone; you cannot be in contact with them... it does NOT work. In short:
1. Stop having sex with her.
2. Tell her the truth about how you feel.
3. You both need to decide to cut contact so DON'T GHOST since that's incredibly rude and it will make matters worse.
That's my opinion.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 May 2018):
 You are at an age where a "spark" is still very important. If you don't feel that with this girl, do the decent thing and stop having sex with her. Women tend to be unable to separate feelings from sex as easily as men tend to do.
Move on. Find that "spark" you crave. (FYI, this is highly likely to fade with time anyway.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2018): You are coming into manhood and there are certain things that you have to learn about good-character and integrity.
When you invited her to stay, she assumed that was because you care for her; and you were concerned for her well-being. She made herself vulnerable to you and offered you a certain amount of her trust.
Trust is a very precious thing. People exploit trust,and they soil it with their nastiness. People play around and manipulate the emotions and feelings of other people; because we live in a world that people say whatever they like to each other. They form vicious mobs online to attack individuals; and they mock good manners and decency. We even have people who have assumed great power in our nation; and embolden the worst in humanity. Ugliness in the highest level of our own American government. It sends the wrong messages to our young people, and brings out the worst in people.
Don't take advantage of her feelings. Don't play her along. You took the sex, and used her. If you don't feel a spark, don't feel good about the fact you took the sex anyway.
Let her know that you don't like her in the way she may like you. Let her know that you don't want to take advantage of any feelings she might have for you, that you don't have for her. Don't pretend you care about hurting her feelings when you've taken advantage of her. That's a blatant contradiction. Yes, a guy can say no too!
No more sex. Always be honest with people about what you think, and how you feel about them. If she persists in trying to turn a friendship into more than friendship; you will have to stop seeing her; until she gets over you.
She is trying to rekindle something that was never there. Don't prey on her feelings. That's a rotten and mean thing to do. If you weren't a decent guy, you never would have written the post. If you feel guilty about using her; that's a good thing.
Now fix things! Stop inviting her over to setup situations that will tempt you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2018):
 I agree with YouWish,
You need to NOT be douche-canoe and take advantage of her REALLY liking you.
She didn't come over for sex, she came over hoping that YOU seeing her you would have missed her and wanted to be with her again and sleeping WITH her might make her think this is a confirmation.
While she is making a BIG mistake thinking that having SEX with you will change your mind.. YOU are not being honest with her and just using the fact that she really likes you to get laid.
NO MORE having sex with her.
BE honest. Don't suggest FWB or some shit that only really benefit YOU.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 May 2018):
 I'm just going to go out and say it:
That's a scummy thing you just did, sleeping with her under false pretenses. You KNOW that she has real feelings for you, and you took advantage of her, which is really not cool.
If you don't feel the same for her as she does for you, the right thing is to LET HER GO for good. If you two broke up, then stop contact with her. She wants to get back together, and you used her for sex.
You need to apologize to her and tell her it won't happen again, and that you two need to truly go your separate ways. She needs to get over you so that the next guy she's with feels for her the same as what she does for him.
YOU don't manipulate people's feelings to get sex from them. I don't care if she initiated the cuddling first! You should have told her that you don't share her feelings and won't sleep with her under false pretenses.
End things with her for good if you don't feel a "spark". Your penis certainly felt the spark for sure, but that's every level of wrong and scummy to use people's feelings to get laid.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 May 2018):
 There's a debate whether people need the spark to be in a relationship. Some people feel that the spark fades, what you are left with is deep connection and companionship. Some are lucky that they feel the spark is always there. It depends on your age, who you are with, and whether you feel the relationship is worth maintaining. Some people feel a relationship has no purpose if there's no more desire for each other, and that's okay. Not everybody is meant to be stuck in relationships. But both people have to be on the same page. If she had sex with you in the hopes that you two become a couple again, you have to stop her because that's leading her on and taking advantage of her vulnerability. You don't have to force yourself to be in a relationship just because someone is nice.
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