A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my gf sex life is non existent. Sometimes I look forward to it and it can be over so soon. No foreplay happens, she doesn’t let me go anywhere near her for foreplay. She used to be really wild, and now it’s gone to nothing. I’m still up for it but she isn’t. I can’t really even make her feel good because she is impatient and rushes to the intercourse. Yet she is head of heels in love with me. Surely it must be me, sometimes I think what if I’m inadequate. Maybe she jus doesn’t know she clearly doesn’t have the fun I do. What do you guys think? I’m 29 she is 24.
View related questions:
foreplay, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 May 2018):
 There are people who do foreplay for 20 minutes and by the time they have sex, it only lasts for 3 minutes because of all the build up. There are people who don't need foreplay at all and would just go through marathon action for hours. There are people who do both foreplay and long action. Sounds like you are the first kind and she's the second kind. The only way to compromise is for you to last longer and for her to enjoy intimacy without intercourse. Our sexual style is influenced by our early experience but we need to adapt to our significant others if we are to be compatible.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (21 May 2018):
 Oh and do not play the "blame game".
Speak on behalf of "both" of you and be "inclusive" regarding your concerns, rather than being "exclusive" and trying to make your gf feel bad or guilty.
Remember, she may not be doing anything with "intention" and if you get upset or start blaming, she may well feel offended, feel really hurt/upset.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (21 May 2018):
You mention you're 29 & your gf is 24. Your age bracket noted is between "30 to 35".
You need to TALK to your gf about this issue and how you feel about it.
When you sit down together and discuss your concerns, then i am almost certain, your gf will let you know what she's thinking/feeling and you can both work together to resolve the situation.
As this relationship is about the "two" of you, then you must "both" talk and meet halfway, otherwise how is your relationship going to survive the long haul?
TALK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and be open, honest, yet calm and polite.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 May 2018):
‘If she is rushing into the inter course it must be because it feels good whatever you are doing’
I’m not trying to be mean but I actually think the opposite might be true here. If she’s rushing to intercourse yet has no real interest in the sex, I think it’s most likely that she’s trying to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.
There can be a few reasons for this in my experience. The first is that she’s lost her sex drive altogether. This is very common for women taking the pill or other hormonal birth control, or it can happen for other reasons too such as hormonal imbalances or if she’s unhappy with her body.
It can also be that she’s not getting much out of the sex. Foreplay is great, but only if it’s done well and giving her what she needs. Are you sure she’s ever properly enjoyed sex with you OP? Most men jump straight to ‘yes, I’d know if she was faking’ when asked this question, but I’ve faked it a few times myself (usually to spare his feelings) and the man has never known. So it could be possible that she’s not getting much, if any pleasure out of sex and that’s why she doesn’t want to do it. Remember that for men, bad sex still often results in an orgasm it’s just a bit boring. Whereas for women, I’ve heard it said it’s the equivalent of having someone repeatedly push their finger in and out of your ear for 20 minutes a time. Not at all pleasurable and eventually ends up being uncomfortable or even sore.
Another option to consider is maybe she’s never really had much of a sex drive at all. Some women have sex because they care about the man and know he wants it, but their own desire is very low or even non existent. The problem is, it’s hard to keep up enthusiasm for something that you really don’t care for long term, especially when that involves letting someone else into your body. See again the ear reference above!
And finally, perhaps there is a problem with your relationship. Perhaps she feels the romance has gone or perhaps she feels you take her for granted yet you still expect regular sex. Looking back, this is the reason I lost my sex drive with my ex. He stopped making me feel special because he ‘had me’, unless he wanted sex. He denied this of course, but really he only touched me or paid me any attention when he wanted sex (or a little while before) and he became moody and pouty of he didn’t get it. Another turn off. It’s hard to want to meet the needs of someone that’s not meeting yours, and by that I don’t mean sexually. Many women place a higher value on conversation, time, attention, support and non-sexual touch to name a few examples, rather than an orgasm. If she feels you’ve stopped providing those for her, she’ll be less likely to want to meet your needs in return.
The only way you can find out what the problem is and work out whether it’s something you can work through, is to talk to her and really listen to what she says.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (20 May 2018):
 If she is rushing into the inter course it must be because it feels good whatever you are doing. If it feels good for her, then there is no way you are inadequate. What you are complaining about is her input into foreplay, which is what you want out of her. So since you are giving her what she wants, ask her to give you what you want. Ultimately, sex is about giving, and as a result, it is receiving. Ask her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2018):
 I think you should TALK to her about it. IF you can date and have sex... you can TALK about it.
Sure it might be you, it might be her, it might be a LOT of things and you won't know for SURE until you talk about. And don't take - "no, everything is fine" or "I don't want to talk about it" as an answer or... THIS is the sex-life you can look forward to for as long as you are together.
...............................
|
