A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I constantly offer myself to my boyfriend and have sex with him whenever he wants. He loves me and really appreciates that about me, however I don't even want to do it half of the time. Theres something wrong with me, I don't know why I always try to get him to have sex with me even when Im not in the mood! I'm trying to figure out why I behave this way because I'm starting to feel empty inside. I'm not promiscuous and have only been with one other man (which was a terrible experience), and I think that maybe I'm trying to feel loved and wanted the wrong way. Maybe it's a fear of abandonment, but Im not sure. I just want to be able to stop acting this way. Help!
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 December 2010):
 Well, relationships go through patterns. You did not say how long the two of you have been together or how long you have been having sex. Hopefully, you will have gone out for more than two months, better yet, six months before you had sex together; thereby creating a bond between you that isn't just based on sex. HOWEVER and having said that - there is an initial stage after you first have sex, the honeymoon stage, where you can't get enough of each other. Eventually; the relationship should come around and become a bit more balanced again and not be just about jumping each other every time you see each other. Most young couples are happy having sex once 3-4 times a week; but once or twice a day is normal too. And of course, it's no fun unless you are getting your cookies too; I'm more worried that YOU aren't enjoying sex for some reason - such as he is having orgasms every time and you aren't. In that case - you need some delicate communication skills and YOU can be his best teacher as far as lovemaking goes. Staying silent in the bedroom isn't getting you your own cookies (movie metaphor for orgasms).
Sex and love within a relationship don't always go on like clockwork. They require some learned communication skills to negotiate who likes what where and when and how often. It take a while to fall into a pattern that you are both happy with. And even if you love each other; turning your partner down can cause bruised feelings for both men AND women; so find a compassionate way to let your partner know that you are/are not interested that day. One friend of mine had a pair of statues on her table; and they would lay the figure on it's side if they were "in the mood". Sounds unromantic to a young person, perhaps, but it saved the other persons ego AND was an enticement if they found the statue disturbed!
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (5 December 2010):
 I think you could be right! However I would need far more information to make my decision, and give better advice on this, normally when someone has fear of abandonment they also has had abandonment issues. Like the parents abandoned them. Or something I need something more to go on. Sorry. I really want to HELP!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): Since I don't know you specifically, maybe it is just that you're a "people pleaser". Next time you want to offer sex to him when you are sure you don't want it, don't. Resist the urge and attempt to do something else that YOU enjoy, like going out to eat or watching a certain movie. You might not be met with success right off the bat, but what's important is that you practice fulfilling your own needs a little more often instead of focusing on his, when you are conscious of it and it is bothering you.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (5 December 2010):
I think it’s a way that you feel like you’re being loved, you’re missing something and its affection that isn’t or you’re not accepting from him. If he was showing affection as you needed you wouldn’t be feeling like this. I think you need to put back from sex because right now you’re not feeling him like you should. You two need to communicate and he needs to start make you feel special. This relationship is missing affection sex complicates things. You’re not seeing the whole picture at this rate you’re going to be lonely in this relationship. Get out and go places together, club, movie, walk, or hold hands, but do other things besides have sex. You will feel a lot better about givi8ng yourself to him. Go ahead make memories together.
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