A
male
age
36-40,
*inRar
writes:Bear with me this is a long one.Alright so 7 years ago a friend of mine introduced me to this girl over the phone while I was in summer vacation in my home town, we immediately hit it off and kept in touch through the phone, a few days later I had surgery so and couldn't leave my house since I had to fly back to where I was living at the time.This girl and I kept in touch the entire time I was away via webcam, phone, and eventually we started really liking each other, I knew I would be returning back to my home town the next summer so we agreed to meet and see where things would go, right around the time my trip was getting closer she was still with some guy and didn't say anything until the day I arrived which was quite painful, after that I spent my summer vacation getting over what happened and eventually she gave me the I just want to be friends line, I flew back home and got on with life, after a while she we started talking again and kept in touch she confessed she still had feelings for me and what not and then time took its toll and we both just moved on.Over time my jets cooled for her and we talked a lot less, then back in 2008 I moved to my home town, and of course got in touch with her to catch up since by now we were very good friends at the time she was in some long distance relationship so as soon as I started having feelings for her I decided to completely cut her out of my life, I started school so I barely had time for anything then got involved in a 2 year relationship, and eventually that ended earlier this year. So my her birthday came around and regardless of how things have gone between us every year we send each other a message for our birthdays, so when her birthday came around I got in touch with her just to say hi and we immediately wanted to meet and catch up since we hadn't spoke to each other in almost 3 years. So eventually I knew what would happen and made it extremely clear to her that the only reason I was talking to her was because I liked her, she replied to this by telling me that nothing will ever happen between us and that we would remain as friends, at the time I was ok with it since it wouldn't hurt to have a female best friend, until she refused to introduce me to her friends since I thought it was a fair thing for her to do.So after about 2 weeks I feel pretty good and I feel that I have finally gotten over this 7 year crush we get more confortable around each other she starts coming over and hanging out and we started sleeping together in the same bed when she would stay late, nothing would happen between us just sleep, then she started wanting to cuddle and I rolled with that as well. Then she started testing me 24/7 and began this ritual of talking on webcam until we both fell asleep. I was still pretty ok with this, until it started getting to me again.So one night she calls me and we agree to meet in a bar we talked she got drunk and started talking about how great I was and how we known each other for ever and then we started making out in the bar, so after that I told her it was time to go and I was taking her home to which she refused because she didn't want to, so she suggested we go to my house.So we go home and shes so drunk shes being 100% honest about everything I ask her, which is great because when shes sober all she does is blush and change the subject when I ask her questions that have to do with how she feels about me or what does she think about me and she never knows what to say. So I question her about all sorts of things that I never got a straight answer from and she tells me about how much she loves me and that she would marry me but shes too stupid because shes hung up on some guy that didn't even want to date her over 1 year and a half, I know that when she gets drunk she gets very horny because she had warned me about that before, so I try to stay from the bed and keep doing other things, well eventually resistance was futile.So the next day we talk since she can barely remember a thing, she does remember that she had sex and she tells me she doesn't want me to get confused about what happened the previous night, I said I was ok and that everything was fine, I knew I was lying to her and my self.So over the week we talk and I tell her how I feel and she tells me she feels bad and doesn't know what to do, so after that everything remained normal same routines texting me all day, we talk at night and then she started telling me that she loves me and that she needs me, in my mind I thought this was all great.During this past weekend she went out of town to visit one of her best female friends and she returned on sunday, on sunday night we started talking everything was fine, and then I told her I was going crazy she asked me why and I told her she knew why, I was expecting another I don't know what to say line and then for her to change the subject, but after a pause she told me "forget about me" "i think it would be better for you to stop talking to me, its for the best" within less than a minute and immediately said her good byes and hung up, at this moment I felt the biggest emptyness in my chest and my jaw just dropped I was speechless.So I've sat here for the last 24 hours running all the scenarios and all the things that could've happened and I don't even know how to react, one part of me wants to get over her because 7 years is way too long to still have feelings for someone that has never actually returned them, but another side of me just can't let go and clings on to this idea of the most incredible person I've met and how we can only be ourselves around each other and no one else.I really don't know what to do.
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best friend, crush, drunk, horny, long distance, move on, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, WinRar +, writes (31 August 2011):
WinRar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the input guys, and you guys are totally right, I came with terms with the idea and I'm working towards moving on.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I can relate to being hung up on someone. And I'll assume that you're here looking for objective advice.
Objectively, this girl has revealed a great deal about herself in seven years. If she's ever going to commit, there's something about your relationship that's going to prevent her committing with you.
"In vino veritas" is only true to a point. Yes you may have had true confessions while she was drunk, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she's going to behave accordingly when sober.
You've been close friends for years, she's known you've loved her, and she is still cutting off contact. It doesn't matter why. What matters is that you've devoted enough of your life to this dream. You deserve someone who isn't going to play games. It's time to move on.
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A
male
reader, Jess88  +, writes (30 August 2011):
you guys had sex, though she was drunk.
If u love this girl and there is no one else you are dating at this time and you think that she will reply soon (from her past track record)
message her and ask her to meet somewhere casually and discuss about the hung up she has. If she is hung up on a guy, you should know why is that.
She has feelings for you no doubt, and she has anger over the guy she is hung up on. But it is painful for her to let him go somehow. It's better if you try to know more about that other person from her, for you know nothing about him and how he is affecting her. That should change some perspectives.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Pls move on & accept the fact. What's needed now is totally Determination to get over it.Be strong!
Make yourself start a new beginning....as you deserve the better one
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