A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for some advice on how to best get in touch with a guy I like.Basically I met him through teaching an exercise class. I'm the instructor and he's a participant. Please don't judge me here and think I use my job to meet guys, I don't! But you can't help who you like, right?I'm always very professional at work, and love my job. This guy has been to only 3 of my classes, and that's been since end of Jan. We have chatted and I don't know whether its just me but I felt like there was some kind of attraction going on. He seems very sweet, helpful and down to earth and offered to help carry some weights for me to set the class up.But I haven't seen him in the classes for about 6 - 7 weeks. However, I did come across him on a local dating website so I sent him a very brief message, just saying hi and fancy seeing him on here (wink face). But the problem is he hasn't used the site in at least the last month, so he won't have seen my message.I'm hoping he'll come back to the class some time. But obviously I don't want to come across as too forward. Or would it be ok to just mention I saw him on the website?Then again, what if he doesn't come back? I know hes very busy with his job, as he did say he has to work the gym around his job. I wouldn't normally bother chasing a guy, but this one seems different to other guys I have met, and from what I read on his dating profile he's into very similar stuff to me.I don't even know his name :(
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): Thank you for all your answers.Wise owl: of course I want honest answers, but sometimes I notice some responses on here can be a bit blunt, which I think can sometimes make the OP dislike the replied and not take any notice of their answer. I'm only saying.But yeah, the general gist of the answers I got I do agree with. I suppose I have done what I can and I should just leave it now. I know I can get fixated on stuff, not just people but anything really! To the person who sounded surprised at me knowing my members names in my classes: I teach 17 classes per week and in each class there are an average of 20 people, with different people each week, some regulars and some not. So now you probably can understand it wound be hard for me to remember 17x20+ names . That's over 340 names with more new people each week.But anyway thank you all for taking the time to read :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): Thank you for all your answers.Wise owl: of course I want honest answers, but sometimes I notice some responses on here can be a bit blunt, which I think can sometimes make the OP dislike the replied and not take any notice of their answer. I'm only saying.But yeah, the general gist of the answers I got I do agree with. I suppose I have done what I can and I should just leave it now. I know I can get fixated on stuff, not just people but anything really! To the person who sounded surprised at me knowing my members names in my classes: I teach 17 classes per week and in each class there are an average of 20 people, with different people each week, some regulars and some not. So now you probably can understand it wound be hard for me to remember 17x20+ names . That's over 340 names with more new people each week.But anyway thank you all for taking the time to read :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (25 March 2014):
 The brief message you sent him on the dating site sounds friendly and ambiguous and unless it was more detailed and ended in a blatant, "get in touch with me if you're interested," I can't see why he would reply. It is possible he has a girlfriend, it is also possible you've romanticized him in your head and you have to be open to the reality that he is not how you've imagined. Is there anyone in the class who knows him? Ask around about him, but don't allow it to become an obsession so that you fob off men who are interested in you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): Don't judge you? You mean shut-up and dismiss behavior beneath your dignity; and otherwise, unprofessional?
If you come here; don't you want us to be straightforward and honest? Call it what you will, I shoot from the hip!
Has it even occurred to you that he may already have a girlfriend, or boyfriend? He has been inactive on the dating-site for over a month; has not returned to your class; and therefore, he is out of circulation.
Are you absolutely sure you weren't a little too obviously attracted for his comfort? Your initial pass,wasn't a miss?
If anyone here knows how to reach someone; would it be appropriate to encourage what could become stalking? Not to say you are; but don't you feel you're taking it a bit far?
When a person becomes so fixated on a stranger who hardly knows they exist; that is bordering on the unhealthy-side.
Shake it off.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 March 2014):
 I'm with Cerberus.
YOU ARE a little to hung up on a fictional character. You say you teach and you don't even know the names of your students? If someone is really helpful you don't just say:" thank you for your help, sorry I forgot your name..? "
He SEEMS different, doesn't mean he IS.
And yes, he SHOULD have gotten a notification e-mail from the dating site, so he most likely knows someone sent him a little message. Maybe he ignored it because he IS dating someone already?
I don't think there is anything else you can do really.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): There is no best way other than the options you have described.
You see OP, he doesn't have to have gone on the dating website to see your message he would have gotten a notification email. It's doubtful he didn't see it.
That is literally the best you can do unless he turns up at your class again.
There is a fine line between chasing and desperation, having sent a message and then hunting him down on Facebook or something might be a bit OTT.
You're best leaving it to a "chance" encounter. There's nothing saying you can't increase your chances of such an encounter but don't go overboard.
Be patient, OP and in the meantime keep looking elsewhere. In all honesty, no offence but he hasn't shown up in 6-7 weeks and you're still desperate to meet him, the guy is a little too amazing in your mind to be this hung up on him after only 3 meetings. You're threading on risky territory here, and it would be very easy to go too far. Time to reign yourself in a little emotionally. You know nothing about this guy in any kind of real sense to make a judgement about him after only meeting him three times and briefly chatting. You sent your message, that's enough. If I were you I'd assume I'd the chance is gone and move on, if he pops up somewhere or answers your message then fair enough take the chance. But you need to stop hanging on.
...............................
|
