A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My "ex" boyfriend and i have not talked in three months. i wanted the break but hes not over me. he texts me, calls me and emails me. I told him i dun wan this relationship anymore. he treated me bad. now i've moved on. i've been hurt too much to go back to him. I'm clear he is no more in my life. In fact im at so much more peace this last three months. Recently he sent me a mail saying his dad is in the hospital due to heart problem and needs to be operated. Do i call him? i feel like calling him but im scared he would make me go back to him. im scared i will fall for his words again. Im pretty clear its over between us. He sent me the mail saying he needs me with him. Im confused. i cant ignore him at this point as i really wish his dad gets better. I think its right to call him and speak to him atleast to know how is his dad doing. Should i?does moving on mean you completely neglect the person even if he is in this situation. I really need help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): Hi i totally understand what everyone is trying to say. im avoiding calling him. abt a year ago my dad fell ill. he was my only support.atleast for that i feel i should call him n check on how he is. i know he has to be a man and stuff. but in such a situation i just want to know if hes dad is alright. thanks for all ur replies.n no! i have not contacted him or tried contacting him at all in this 3 months. i did not stalk him and i did not block him. i do not want to do it.. we never at all fought and broke up.he is not on my facebook as i have rarely used it. no twitter and all those stuff. i in no way have stalked him. i have clearly moved away from him. im not confused.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 I'm sorry for his father but this is just a way for him to get you back into his life. He cries, he says he needs you and you don't have an option but to go because now he's playing the my-dad's-in-hospital card. And you do know what's going to happen if you give in, right? You'l be right back to where you started from.
OP you do have the option. You are not a doctor who can cure his father so you dont *have to* be at the hospital. As for the guy, he's a big boy and he can take care of himself. If your relationship is over, then it's OVER. You can wish him well in your head and pray for his dad if you want but NO calls, NO mails and NO pity meetings. YOU cannot help your ex in any way.
Hard as it may seem, you do not owe him ANYTHING. Not even in this hour of need. He cannot come running to you every time he is in need and to be honest, I doubt his intentions. He's just using his father's illness to start things again with you and I can bet my bottom dollar on the fact that he will never see you as "just a friend" or let go of you once his dad is fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): First step. Stop opening his messages and taking his calls.
Block him from your feed on all social media, delete him from your phone, and block his number. If you get unidentified-calls on your caller-ID, force them to your voice-mail.
Like a baby, he's being weaned from breast-feeding. You'll have to sit this one out, and let him cry. He is going to consistently come up with excuses to play on your sympathies. You don't apologize for breaking-up.
You're not clear if you falter; by answering messages or calls, and wimping out. Put your foot down. If you're leaving your feed open on Facebook; or reading his Tweets to spy? There's your problem!!!
Don't come to us, if you're playing on two-sides of the fence. Stalking him on Facebook to see what he's up to; then playing tag when he calls. I know all the tricks.
People come here like their exes won't leave them alone; when it's both-ways. No contact as long as their exes aren't dating anyone yet. They leave the door cracked; so they can peek now and then. I wave the finger on this nonsense!
His point is to get you back. It's hard not to pick up a crying baby; but there are times when you aren't supposed to; that's when it's for their own good. This is one of those times.
If you pay any respects; they will have to go through his mother, or a sibling. Not directly to him. It sounds cold, but it is better off that you avoid him altogether; because any contact is going to make him even more persistent than ever. He's searching for a weak-spot. That would give him false-hope you want him back, and you will never find peace. You'll always be on a guilt-trip.
You did what was right, so don't second-guess yourself. Send his mother a get-well card to deliver to his dad; and send flowers to the hospital. Otherwise, stay away. You may not be as welcomed back as you think, or you will be pressured to take him back. They're all on his side, remember? Unless you're coming back to stay, who cares?
You no longer have any responsibility to comfort him as his girlfriend.
The only way to establish it's over, is to be consistent. No calls, no explanations; or excuses. No giving-in to his tantrums and tizzy-fits.
He has to go through cold-turkey; until he detaches and can move on. If every-time he comes up with a personal-crisis, and you answered (and they will be endless); you are officially reopening the relationship. You are also building-up his hopes. He will find one excuse after another to disrupt your life. Until you get pissed-off by the constant intrusions. You've had three-month's peace.
Keep it that way!
You must stay away from him. He has all his family around him. That's where he should go for his support throughout his recovery from your breakup. That's where I went when I got dumped, and I'm doing fine. That's part of the process of moving on. To leave your ex alone! Let them live in peace. Grow-up, and go away!
He'll be okay. He's a man, not a child. If he cared so freaking much; he wouldn't have hurt you enough to force you to leave him in the first place. Too much, just too late. You gave him the time and opportunity to work it out. Obviously, he has run out of time; and you've run out of patience.
Oh, he'll come up with some compelling sob-stories to tell to make you feel bad, and to break you down. Remember, he used to be your boyfriend, and knows your soft-spots. How to push your buttons. That has changed.
After he broke your heart and made you cry; he used to say he was sorry. He went right back to it, as soon as he was all forgiven. In anger, he could say the most monstrous things; and scared you with his temper-tantrums. I'm sure you said mean things too; but you decided enough was enough.
Play back the horrors of the past relationship, and you'll get the strength. Trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): No, moving on means forgetting the relationship, you don't have to completely wipe them out of your life.
If you ring him, you risk him asking you to come back, remember the good feeling you've got now and stay strong to it. Ring him to ensure his dad is alright and then let it go, don't keep asking, don't meet him, just ask and the conversation stops at that.
You need to be as blatantly obvious as possible, he clearly still likes you but you have moved on, let him know that, find out what you need and then end it all. He'll get over you if you don't have the contact.
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