A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for a few weeks now, he's really sweet and lovely and really likes me but I'm just not happy with him. I just find him incredibly boring, I don't like being alone with him, whenever I am I'm desperately texting my friends to come out and join so I have someone interesting to talk to. However he seems to really enjoy being with me so I don't think I could bring myself to tell him this. To top it all whilst I was away on holiday I had a slight affair with a couple of people, one of them being a girl, which is making me question my sexuality and making me even more wanting to end it with him. I don't know whether to tell him the truth but if I don't I don't have a proper reason to end it with him. I was planning to end it with him recently but then he gave me a bracelet (which just adds to the guilt really) and now I feel like I can't end it with him at least not any time soon.He's such a nice guy and so sweet to me I don't want to hurt him, but if I really am a lesbian then if we ever attempt to have sex I'm not going to want to and I don't want to lead him on thinking that this relationship could go anywhere, I don't know what to do or what to say to him.
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affair, lesbian, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (10 August 2011):
Well, you already cheated on him so you really should not be in any sort of relationship if you cannot be faithful to your partner. If you had intended to stay with him, it would be right to confess what happened so you could work through it, but since you want to break up, don't hurt him further by telling him about your unfaithfulness.
You don't need to give him a reason or "sell" him on why you should break up any more than you need to make a salesman understand why you don't want to buy his product. You are the only one who needs to understand. Period.
Its none of his business that you are a lesbian.
Give the bracelet back.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Oh dear I really should read posts more thoroughly before replying. Thank you Anon Female for pointing out that some of my advice is wrong. I agree with what she says regarding telling him you are a lesbian having now read your post properly. I got that way wrong! :-)
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 August 2011):
 I think telling him may be a lesbian is irrelvant at this time.
Just stick with the facts and be upfront.
"BF, I have thought about this a long time and it is really hard for me to do, but I can not be your gf anymore. I do not feel as strongly about you as you do me and I do not see that changing. I am really sorry."
Give him back the bracelet. Reassure him that he IS a wonderful and sweet guy, but that you just do not see the relationship going anywhere and going forward would be dishonest and more hurtful for him in the end.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Put yourself in his place. Imagine if you were with a guy (or girl) you really loved but the feeling wasn't mutual. In fact, deep down they thought you were as boring as a pile of rocks and hated being around you. As bad as that would be, wouldn't you want to know? I doubt you'd prefer to go on thinking they were into you and end up wasting all your time on something that was destined to lead nowhere from the start.
Yes, telling him now will hurt. But the longer you wait, the MORE it will hurt. He won't take it well. Ultimately, he will simply be the latest "nice guy" in a long line of unfortunate nice guys to learn the hard way that girls just don't go for "sweet", "lovely", and "nice".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): I agree with Moo's Mum advice on breaking it off. Yes he will probably be hurt, but it's only been a few weeks and I promise you that he will get over it in time. You don't need to have a "proper" reason as to why you are ending it. You don't want to be with him and that is reason enough.I do not agree however, with the advice to tell him that you are a lesbian. I say this for a few reasons. One, you aren't even sure yourself. You are questioning your sexuality and that is perfectly normal, but you really need to be sure about it before telling people. Two, this would probably end up hurting him more. He may internalize this and feel that he "turned" you lesbian. Yes, this would be his own issue to reolve but there is no point in creating a situation when you aren't sure if it's even true or not.As stated before you can explain to him that things just aren't working out and that you don't want a relationship with anyone at the moment because you have some things that you need to sort out. Then after that, take some time for you, date around, explore your sexuality, then when you figure things out you will then be ready to commit to a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (9 August 2011):
If you keep going on feeling guilty and not cutting this guy loose because he's so nice you are going to end up hurting hime really really badly. You need to tell him it's just not working for you and let him go find someone who will love and cherish him. I'm presuming you are not out yet so maybe now's the time to come out. Tell him you are a lesbian.
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