A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I've been broken up w/ my ex for about 3 wks.I'm currently visiting fam in NY.B4 I left for ny,We watched a movie and ended up having sex 2x.We've txted occassionally since i've been here but i felt i was chasing him so i didnt contact him for a cpl days.He txted n said"so u still having fun in ny?" and he said" i asked cos i hadnt heard from u in a cpl days and figured u were having alot of fun".We talked on the phone twice that night.He seemed slightly happier.Ive flirted a bit w/ him but he shows a lil interest and seems more concerned w/ work or financial stuff *understandable but still*.*granted b4 we chilled last, he showed the same amount of interest and when i saw him in person/had sex ...he was completely diff - def interested lol*.He still has financial trouble*shortly after we broke up he said we could possibly date after he'd get his shit together which should be in a cpl wks* and complained that none of his money goes to him (obviously to bills and everything else).I had written him snail mail shortly before we talked, sayin that Im here for him if he ever needs someone to talk to, i care about him alot, insert joke or two, blah blah blah. I doubt he's received the letter yet but I thought that maybe i should just leave him alone for now. We last talked thursday and I get back home on Tuesday..so i planned on not msging for close to a wk and maybe see if he misses me/give him space - if needed..is this the right way to go? I do want him back and will be there for him while he works out his financial probs.. I just dont want to seem like a pest..or bother him.( think the financial/stress in life is the reason we broke up..cos there was no solid reason)(I usually think that jokin around/being friendly or semi flirty is a good method but then fig leavin him alone is best.. - i overanalyze...what can i say) I dunno....opinions? thoughts?
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (3 August 2009):
Hi there,
This is hard to comment on because you haven't said why you split and the scary thing is that you don't know either. What stopped you from finding out the reasons for your separation? Don't you want to know, wouldn't it be helpful to know?
But from what you have written, it sounds as if what you are doing is working.
I don't think time restraints etc... so he misses you is fair. He has explained how he is having some issues at the moment and you have said you'd be there for him so I'd keep my word on that.
If he didn't want you around or you were annoying him he wouldn't be as responsive as he is.
Some Men base their worth on how much of a provider they are and this may be the case here. He may be feeling unworthy to be with you because he feels he can't take you places and spend money on you as he would like. I'm not sure.
Why not have an honest conversation with him. Ask him what he needs, then you state what your needs are then negotiate from there. Ask him if he needs space instead of assuming it. He may be needing you right there beside him.
jokin around/being friendly or semi flirty is a good method, so I'd stick to that too.
I'm not sure if I'd leave him alone as this is not what you want and he may not want it either so it's pointless and could be viewed as a game.
Good luck.
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