A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am someone who does not want to get married or have children and would like to get some input on others who have made this decision. I am not anti social or anything, but I enjoy being and living alone. I work and have friends and go out occasionally, but I feel as I can only handle so much social interaction before I start feeling uncomfortable. I just do not see myself having a husband and children, I hope that doesn't sound horrible or selfish. My mother made a comment a couple of days ago that this is not a normal or healthy decision. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2015): If you don't want to have kids no one can make you. In fact don't have a kid because its not going to be any good for a child to have a mother who never wanted him/ her.
I am a mother of only one child, and I can tell you that having a child is an experience that changes you who you are and one of the things I am glad i did.you are still very young , may be you will change your mind. But not to ever have a family is a huge desision
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2015):
 ONLY you can make this choice, not your mom, not your friends, not total strangers on the Internet.
IF NOT getting married and/or NOT having kids is HOW you see yourself in the future, then GO for it.
There are thousands of kids born into the world that their parents didn't WANT - but that is OK with society. It makes NO sense! Choosing to NOT have kids is NOT a selfish choice. KNOWING what you WANT and DON'T want is for YOU to decide.
You MAY change your mind later in life, you MAY not. AND that is OK!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 July 2015):
 There is really only ONE question which is germaine to the issue. That is: Who is living your life? You? or, your Mother?
The "answer" to that question will tell you the only person whose opinion should mean a whit to you....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 July 2015):
 Your mom thinks that because it's your biological imperative to have children. You have good reasons for not wanting to have children. This world is not a healthy place to nurture children. Pollution, overpopulation, and competition, you name it.
When I grew up my mom told me time and time again, only have 1 kid. When my son turned 5 I started telling him, don't have any kids at all. I like my space and quiet. While my son is often the opposite of that, I never regretted having created him.
Your mom feels that you take the easy way out and children are a way for growth. Without challenges in life, one becomes naive. There are many things you can do to fulfill your life and gain enrichment. It doesn't have to be children. What's more damaging to the child is that you don't want one but is pressured to be a parent. It makes the child feel unwanted.
What some people feel is the unpleasant feeling that their generation ends with you, that's if you don't have siblings. It's like there is nothing favourable in her genes to continue on. She might feel the emptiness when she reaches her 70's and there are no grandchildren to babysit.
She is of course entitled to her opinion but she needs to realize how that makes you feel, and to understand that undermining your attitude is not going to change your life decision. Maybe because of your age she feels this is a passing phase, that you want to be carefree but she interprets it as you not wanting to take responsibilities as an adult. I think your mom feels uncomfortable because you dare to be different and defy the norm. All moms want to feel like they have the power to inspire and instil values in their daughters. She took it personally that you want to be different from her.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (13 July 2015):
I am in this position, unmarried and childless. I wish it to remain that way. Abella has kindly referred to my article, which I wrote because I know how unwittingly judgemental people can be. You say in your post, “I hope that doesn’t sound horrible?” Of course it doesn’t, and you mustn’t worry about this. For me, it is a choice about how I want to live my life, not a criticism of how other people do. I don’t claim any moral superiority or believe I’m somehow more enlightened than anyone else. I am certainly not anti-children, and I have spent 4 years on advising people about relationships fairly successfully, having never had one of my own that has gone beyond a platonic friendship and always feeling distinctly uncomfortable with the idea of living with anyone. I do have friends, live with family and am not lonely.
I do think, however, that it is harder for those whose lives are more typical of the majority, not to judge, or think this is some kind of temporary blip. That is why I wrote my piece, to try with humour and irony, to challenge these preconceptions of what makes a happy, fulfilled life. When some-one tells you it’s not a normal or healthy decision, what they are really saying is: “I don’t understand your decision. It makes me uncomfortable.” That is because the desire to live alone and to remain single is very much a minority one. Most people who are single will either wish they weren’t or be content to be so whilst they await the right man or woman to come in to their lives. It is unusual to not want a relationship at all and remain alone, but it’s not abnormal as your mother suggests. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Some people do not wish to share their homes with anyone. They find the idea of sharing their personal space with some-one makes them feel on edge and uncomfortable. They do still get close to people though. They do go out, they do have friends, and they do have families. Their lives are filled with other people, even if they do feel a sense of relief when, at the end of the day, they go home to their blissfully quiet house. Who knows whether you will always feel this way or not, but you might. You seem very firm in how you feel about this, and if that’s the case, fighting it because you, or others, think it’s abnormal will only make you unhappy. Try and explain it to people like your mother, who probably mean no harm at all. If they can’t understand, just agree to disagree and move on to something else. It’s easier that way.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): you are yourself and not a stereotype of anyone else.Its totally your choice and you sound in sound mind to me.Why your mother should assume your choices are unhealthy are beyond me.Maybe shes just a little jealous that you have a future route mapped out.It may or may not work out exactly as planned but let me acknowledge to you that some people just put the dampners on things az a habitPersonally i think it is very unhealthy of your mum to make stupid, negative comments about your lifestyle choices, but hey, she's a different generation so you have to allow her a little leaway, oui? But you might tell her next time "If you've got nothing pleasant to say then say nothing at all...."
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 July 2015):
 There are many people who choose to make this choice. And Dearcupid.org has the perfect article just for your situation. It is an article on the subject and may give you some answers you need to see that people do make this choice. I do have children, and I am glad I have had children. I also respect the right of others to choose to not have children. That is your right.
Here is the article:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/childless-by-choice-please-stop-judging-us.html
...............................
|
