A
female
age
51-59,
*ip66
writes:please could someone tell me where im going wrong.for the past 3 years i have have got up with my husband every morning to make him a cup of tea and drive him to his work(only a five minute walk away). by morning i mean varies from 1.30am to 3am. then i return to bed.i will do this every day without fail even if im ill.my husband thinks its normal. i only started doing this because my husband was so loving and kind now he treats me like dirt and speaks like he hates me.i dont know nyone else on the planet who would do what ive done.i do my part as a housewife by keeping the house spotlessly clean and tidy he always has a meal to come home to and i pamper him in every way humanly possible. i do work at home just dont get paid for it.all i get in return is verball abuse. he says im lazy. im not he has worn me down so much with his nmental abuse i cant get a job even if i tried because i have zero confidence.i changed my appearance recently so i looked better yet first thing out of his mouth when he saw me was "you look like a freak".im sooo fed up.
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (25 January 2011):
People only get away with what we allow them to get away with! You need to stand up to this man, he is a bully... Mental abusive can just be as damaging as physical abusive. If people say things often enough to us, we start to believe it and that is why you are now lacking in confidence. You must not let this happen to you any longer.
You mention that you made changes to your appearance, well if you are happy with that then you stick with it... a hair style change, and some new clothes does help boost your confidence.
You also mention that you are struggling to get a job right now. Why don't you do some voluntary work? That will get you out, and meeting people. I know the councils have a website, so google your local council and sometimes permanant jobs do come up and you will be in a better position because you will already have your foot in the door.
You sound the ideal wife, don't change, but please don't become a doormat for this man. Stand tall and tell him how you feel, but if he isn't going to change, or he thinks he is doing nothing wrong then you may have to make drastic changes and leave him, otherwise he will continue to just drag you down.
Good luck hun - no one deserves to be treated in this manner!
A
female
reader, lostlesbianme  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 I am going through the same thing but with my gf. Plus other things. Keep your head up, and don't allow him to take away your confidence. Your suppose to allow no-1 to murder your confidence. Sometimes our partners become jealous of us, b/c we do a great job @ everything we do. And best believe i know the last woman wasnt doing half of what you are. Sometimes we have to do some soul searching and find what we are really worth. If you don't he will always make you feel like nothing. I know how it feels, i welling in tears thinking about it. Sometimes we do all we can do plus more and it still isnt good enough. sometimes love just isnt enough. back ache, heart ache, none of it is good enough. When you stand up for yourself or just leave the situation then you will see how much he needs you. And when he begs for you to come back you let him know, Respect me, Appreciate me, And love me. Or i will never look back. Be confident, keep your head up and be happy!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 You sound like the perfect wife. So keep your chin up and smile. You could talk to him, ask him why he says such things to you, find out if it is the stress of work that compells him to vent his anger upon you. If there is no reason, if he treats you this way simply because he can then you have to leave this ungrateful husband of yours. Find a job. Smile and be confident because you KNOW you are more than enough, you are devoted and you try your best, what more can a man ask for from his wife and what more could an employer ask for from an employee? Be confident.
I hope that helps.
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