A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to get this off my chest. Let's call him Robert.To make my story short, he was my friend online and he was in a relationship with a girl during that time. I really had no plans to meet him but he surprised me one day when he followed me to a bar. We were friends for like 7 months already. Since then he comes to see me via bus every week, he lives 2 hours away. Some weeks I refuse to see him as I don't feel it is wise to keep on letting him see me. He has a gf in his city so I feel I am in the losing end.Anyway, to be honest, I think I have fallen for him but I don't express this to him. I am quietly observing him and I didn't ask him to break up with his gf. I just let him be. But lately, for a month now I noticed that he doesn't communicate with her anymore. On the other hand, I have been trying on my own to meet new people as I know one day, he will get tired of coming to see me. Last week, he quit his job and he was coming here to go for interviews.Anyhow, last night, we were together. I asked him to go down with me to a nearby atm machine but he said he is lazy to get up. It was 8pm and this made me upset. So I went on my own, diverted my phone and spent 2 hours outside at a restaurant to have dinner alone. While I was there, i got busy calling my friends that I felt relieved.When I got home, I found him in the dark room, dressed, full of smoke and saw his eyes very big. He told me, he said to himself that if I don't appear on the door for another minute, that he will call the police to report that he cannot find me. He said he has been calling me for a million times and my phone is off. And that he feels so stupid that he doesn't know the number of my sister or my bestfriend, he was desperate to contact them about me. He took my phone and checked my inbox and call log to make sure I did not meet anyone outside. He showed me his phone to prove how many times he tried to call me. He was trembling and to see him like that, I rushed to him and said sorry. It took me another hour to comfort him and after he had taken a medicine for the sudden headache, he told me he was so scared something might have happened to me and he said he will never allow me to go out alone. We kissed and made up. He said he loves me. This morning, he told me he had broken up with his gf for a month already and he showed me her text message he received while sleeping. It said "hi, do you still remember me?"He said we used to have no secrets to each other when we were friends, he wants to keep it that way. And he maintains, ever since he met me in person, I am the only girl he is meeting up now. Before he used to tell me he meets up with different girls. He said I changed him.I am guilty of what I did last night, I didn't confess that I intentionally diverted my phone. Is it right to keep it from him? Secondly, I was planning to leave him but now, I don't know what to do. I feel I love him more. Any advise pls. Thanks much!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 October 2010):
There are too many red flags. And now you've said that he quickly changed from one girl to another, then you, and also that he seems to have this thing about girls always saying yes, I'm just not sure you should be with him.
The biggest thing for me is that when you came back, he was just sat here doing nothing other than smoking.
Like I said before, look closely at this. This guy is not exactly a Knight in shining armour. He's not even close.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Caring Guy,
Thanks for taking time to read and reply to my post. However, I have said some things that were unclear earlier.
When we were just chatmates, he was coming from a painful break-up so he said he decided that he would just date casually and he bragged before that girls always say yes to him. I keep on advising him that it's not a good idea to do that. Then one day, he met this girl and he told me happily that he decided to date exclusively this girl as he likes her a lot. A month after, he went to see me and things have changed since then.
As for the issue about the ATM, that is really upsetting. Until now, I still get upset to remember he let me out just because he was lazy. But I got home and found him dressed, that is because he said he was going down to look for me outside. I found the room very clean and he said he cleaned the room because he was too scared of what might have happened to me that he was walking around the room and just started cleaning the area. We even went to search for his medicine as he threw them unconsciously.
Anyway, I have to admit I am doubting his feelings for me..but there are times I feel his sincerity and can feel that he does love me.
The problem is that, what should I believe? He loves me or not?
Tomorrow he will get a confirmation for a job he applied for in my city so he is asking me that if he will be hired, he wants me to live with him. I don't know if this is a good idea considering that I am doubting him of his feelings.
Please help me figure this out.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 October 2010):
There is something very wrong with this guy, Very wrong, and I don't like it. Here's why.
- He had numerous girls on the go that he was meeting while he had a girlfriend. So he was basically cheating. That proves he is untrustworthy.
- He claims you changed him. That I don't by. People change for themselves, never anyone else. And they don't change in such a short amount of time either.
- He was lazy enough not to bother going with you to an ATM. Don't get me wrong, at 8pm I probably wouldn't be happy about having to go out to an ATM. But you can be sure I'd go if my girlfriend asked me (and even if she didn't I'd ask - it would take a direct 'no' for me not to go).
- After the two hours, you came home and found him in a smoke filled room trembling, eyes wide open. Seems caring. Or is it? Because in those two hours, all he'd really done is sit there and smoke. He could have gone out with you initially. He could have gone out after to look for you. He did neither.
Now here's my biggest problem. You were thinking about breaking up with him, now after him seemingly showing some care, you've fallen for him even more. I think you've been a bit manipulated here by him. Again, I'd urge you to look VERY carefully at this guy. He's untrustworthy, a bit controlling, too lazy and I think that you might well end up hurt by him.
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