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writes: I caught my husband in an affair, I have forgiven him now he never wants to be alone, it is as if I had the affair. I feel as if he is afraid I am going to leave him, I told him I love him, but I will never love him the same or feel the same as I did. What do I do without making him feel less secure..Why is he doing this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to let everyone know I am grateful for everyones input, it has been 11 mos since I found out my husband's infidelity issue, he had the affair for 3 mos, I just feel insecure on how this affair happened, we were fine we were very intimate until he got interested in the computer than all hell broke loose! Now he doesnt go near the computer, and doesnt want me on neither. I just feel it was so easy for him to play this woman oh the textmessages he would send her the convos It truly was something I saw everything, something no husband or wife should see of thier partner talking to another stranger...So now is he being genuine I know he loves me,,but I just feel messed inside...thank you for the replies it gives me something to reflect on..:-D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): he has realised what he did was wrong and just letting you know how sorry he really is and letting you know how much he loves you.
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (30 December 2007):
 People's actions are a reflection of where they are at. Your husband is filled with guilt, as he should be, but he is working OT to reassure you he will not slip up again.
I hope in time you can come to love him as you once did. I am sure he is hopeful too.
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female
reader, ukdoc  +, writes (29 December 2007):
You say you don't love him anymore,that is making him act like this. He had an afair and knows how easily you could, so he is trying to make sure of you.
Maybe you could get him to think about other things by arranging a dinner date, tell him you want and need him to put some romance back in your lives so you can build new better memories.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): I can see 2 possible reasons: He could be afraid that you will leave him, as you suggested. He may also be afraid that you will have an affair to get back at him. The fact that you told him that you will never love him in the same way probably made him even more worried. I am not criticizing you for that, as that is understandable.
When my wife was my girlfriend, she told me (on 2 different occasions) that she would never tell me if she had sex with someone else becouse she would not want to hurt me. On the other occasion, she told me that she once slept with a guy that she had not intended to because she was drunk. Because of these two things, I always worried when she would go out with friends and they would be drinking. It is probably something like this.
My wife just read this and had a good thought. She thinks that he just has to reassure you that he is not with someone else by always being with you. That way you could not possibly think that he might be doing it again.
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (29 December 2007):
 I read that cheating partners get more controlling of their partner because their afraid that they may cheat and they have to forgive them as you forgave them. Just a thought
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reader, truly_unique  +, writes (29 December 2007):
you got it right the first time
hes scared you will leave him.
And so he should be! You need to be straight with him and tell him that is really getting on your nerves. Tell him that you have forgiven him and that you are not going to leave him. But tell him you also need your own space and he needs to respect that.
all you can do is communicate
good luck
x
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