A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok before I even start I know I am stupid for putting myself in this situation but I dont know where to turn or what to do. I have been with my turksih bf for over a year. we are living apart however i moved to turkey just over 3 months ago with family but i am completely struggling. he has told me he is not close to his granparents but now allof a sudden says his gran is ill(we have not spoke for over 4 days)i have been ringing and texting him (maybe too much) but im concernedand this is not the first time for him to ignore me and ignore me.... he does it onaverage once a month and it leaves me devastated - he must be able to know how much it hurts me from my pathetic texts and saying how much i care for him blah blah. I hate how pathetic and low i feel.this has been the longest time for this to go on and i just dont know wht to say think or do .... im starting to think the family issue was a lie and there is more to it - how can u just ignore someone constantly - he says he wants to marry me (all the usual) that his family knows about me etc but my head is completely messed up and i dont know what to think! i just want to pack up and head back to uk...
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male
reader, Dave321  +, writes (12 December 2019):
From what you said, he does that once in a month, now my questions are:
Have you complained to him about such behaviour?
If No, complain first, he might not know its a terrible attitude.
If yes, then you might need to move on, this is because it will be worse after marriage. If he is driving you crazy before marriage, what do you think will happen after marriage?
I tell people, marriage doesn't change someone that doesn't want to change. So my dear,consider your health first, and also your mental state.
You could read one of my articles about signs that he is no more interested https://braveachiever.com/he-is-wasting-your-time-in-the-relationship/ I believe you should be able to pick one or two things from it. I wish you luck dear. Cheers
A
male
reader, Dave321 +, writes (12 December 2019):
From what you said, he does that once in a month, now my questions are:
Have you complained to him about such behaviour?
If No, complain first, he might not know its a terrible attitude.
If yes, then you might need to move on, this is because it will be worse after marriage. If he is driving you crazy before marriage, what do you think will happen after marriage?
I tell people, marriage doesn't change someone that doesn't want to change. So my dear,consider your health first, and also your mental state.
You could read one of my articles about signs that he is no more interested https://braveachiever.com/he-is-wasting-your-time-in-the-relationship/ I believe you should be able to pick one or two things from it. I wish you luck dear. Cheers
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A
male
reader, Dave321 +, writes (12 December 2019):
From what you said, he does that once in a month, now my questions are:
Have you complained to him about such behaviour?
If No, complain first, he might not know its a terrible attitude.
If yes, then you might need to move on, this is because it will be worse after marriage. If he is driving you crazy before marriage, what do you think will happen after marriage?
I tell people, marriage doesn't change someone that doesn't want to change. So my dear,consider your health first, and also your mental state.
You could read one of my articles about signs that he is no more interested https://braveachiever.com/he-is-wasting-your-time-in-the-relationship/ I believe you should be able to pick one or two things from it. I wish you luck dear. Cheers
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): OK. First of all to the second answer guy you don't have to be in Turkey to understand what she is going through. It doesn't happen only in Turkey. Be aware of this guy in Turkey who might want ot meet up with you.Second of all it's very simple. You are in a dysfunctional destructive relationship. This kind of relationship is more common than what you think. I got out off one of these six months ago and made it my life goal to understand from where they come from. Your boyfriend comes from a dysfunctional family where his parents weren't there when he needed them. Be it physically or emotionally weren't there and he was badly hurt. These kind of people grow like a shield in their emotions so they wouldn't be hurt again. They are not aware of this. But they were emotionally abused and they can't give anything but emotional abuse. I always suggest to hurt people to make their own research on emotionally unavailable man so you'd understand Why they won't change, aren't good partners and will screw your mind. I got the following info. from the internet. It should help you. "You are involved with an emotionally unavailable man. Emotionally unavailable people are hard to get close to, and even harder to stay close to. They don't want a "normal" relationship--they want to be alone, with other people, or off doing their own thing--which invariably does not include you. How do people act emotionally unavailable? * They're emotionally distant and extremely remote, except when courting.* They're too busy, sick, tired or preoccupied with other things. Their energy, time and life-force are all taken with other priorities.* They frequently work a lot , and don't have quality time to spend with you.* They're not responsive. They ignore you and your requests, and they don't try hard to make a relationship work.* They don't, won't or can't commit to a relationship.* They may be extremely critical and judgmental, so you may have a hard time doing anything "right" in their eyes.* They may flirt with other people, and may not value monogamy.* They may watch TV or sports a lot, read, work-out, or otherwise be preoccupied with something or someone that routinely interferes with their ability to be with you.* They may be addicted to some substance, such as alcohol, drugs or food, which renders them incapable of being present and truly available to another person.* People already married or involved with someone else are frequently emotionally unavailable, regardless of what they profess.* They do not place a value on acting with honesty, honor or integrity in their relationships with others. They're full of excuses as to why they can't be with you, do things with you, or be available for you.If it seems that you routinely love your partner more than he or she loves you, that you express affection, care and commitment morethan you receive, presume that you are involved with an emotionally unavailable partner. Emotionally unavailable people may profess to love you and care about you, and they may make wonderful promises about your future together, but they don't follow through with believable behaviors that make you feel wanted and secure around them."http://www.heartrelationships.com/ARTICLES/SabotagingaRelationship/EMOTIONALLYUNAVAILABLE.htm
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A
male
reader, Uraz  +, writes (29 December 2007):
 Ok. I understand your situation cause I am in Turkey also. I am sorry to say that you are being misled. I do not know how you met him but if you met him on the beach or at a club I would get more suspicious.
In anycase the situation is clear and he is not living up to his promises and words.
the best way for you would be to get away from this situation without further mental or financial harm.
As I said I am in Turkey right now and send me an email if you want more help.
Take care.
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