A
female
age
51-59,
*ose_red_09
writes:I got married in April to the most wonderful man in the world, I was 41 and he was 47. It's both our first marriage and we couldn't be happier.My contract for my job is temporary and I will not until Sept if it will be renewed. Therefore, I am currently unemployed but not signing on - for those not in the UK - you can claim unemployment benefits. It's not a great deal of money and when I've had to do this before, I have got severely depressed. It's not the best experience and I find it really horrible.So - I am not signing on as it's too depressing and I am desperately trying to conceive as at our age, we don't have long. Signing on without a doubt affects my mental health so by being relaxed, I am without a doubt helping my body to relax and hopefully conceive.My husband is working hard to keep the mortgage and bills paid but am I being selfish in not signing on? I don't ask for any money for myself, I am just happy to not have to sign on and keep trying for the baby. But then I feel bad for my husband that he is so tired and working so hard. He tells me everyday that it's okay and I should just stop the worry but I just can't help but feel bad.Thoughts anyone.
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female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Oldbag (great name!)
Well yes - thats the way I am looking at things - it's just the guilt that gets the better of me sometimes. With my husbands exhibition coming up, the idea is to turn his work into a business. And I am writing a book too - who knows if it could get published but I gotta try!
Yes - have signed up to temping agencies so am waiting to hear.
But thank you - when the guilt gets the better of me, I just need to take stock sometimes.
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that it's not personal, but it is very hard. I know that it does affect me big time no matter how I say that they are just doing their job. Of course I understand that people all have different level of life skills but to be put on a compulsory basic do's and dont's of finding employment course for a week when the instructors know that I really shouldn't be there is tough....
No hubby doesn't resent me....am feeling a little better now as I have just sold a piece of his work - woo hoo!!
Am hoping that I get my job back in September and if not - that I am bare foot and pregnant!!!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Hi
Cant say I blame you not signing on, even the buildings are depressing and the way they treat you is dismal. If you dont have to then dont.I pray I never have to again.You might be due a tax rebate though?
If your good at online stuff,marketing and websites then why not go freelance, advertise your skills and work from home.You have your husbands website etc to show off to potential customers.Or do temping with an Agency as and when you want to.That way you feel your contributing something
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 It’s lousy how people think because you need UIB that you don’t want to work or don’t know how to find a job… take it with a grain of salt that they have to treat everyone the same and it’s NOT PERSONAL! Just know that there are folks out there that do not know these life skills and just like a newspaper writes on a 5th grade level so all folks can read it, UIB must cater to a lower level of users….
I doubt he resents you if you are doing all the things you say you are doing. My fiancé has not worked since the end of January when he got laid off. He has been very very busy getting our home ready for us to live together by supervising a full house renovation and it was the best thing ever. I do NOT resent him being home. IN fact, today I told him to enjoy his last few weeks of vacation because when we get back from our trip in a few weeks, he will start job hunting quite seriously. I am most appreciative of his UIB though because that check has helped with our extra expenses….
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A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very confused.
It's depressing because of how you are treated - it doesn't matter that I have a number of degrees and have been a manager, they just put you in one big lump together. As I said - having to attend courses that you need to brush your hair before an interview is just depressing and not mention patronising.
I think as this is the first month of not working, I'll see how we go. Am currently,besides the baby-making thing, managing my hubby's solo exhibition which will be for 6 months in Nov - he is a sculptor. So from that point of you, hubby is happy that I am doing his website, producing marketing materials etc.
I just don't want him to resent me and yet all he ever tells me is that it's okay....ho hum.
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A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Rose_red_09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Starlights, yes I know it's my right. I just find it very degrading and hard. Last time, they put me on a course that was all about brushing your teeth before an interview.....
Hubby just called and yet again has said stop the worry. Sometimes I just need to take a chill pill. Anyway, here's hoping that the baby-making gets succesful very soon!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 July 2012):
Honey I would apply for the benefits if you are eligible. My fiance is getting them right now and without them it would be very tight... he's job hunting but not much right now...
What about it is depressing? It's an INSURANCE based program which means it's based on what you did in the past... it's not admitting defeat or failure....
stress makes everything worse and worrying about income and bills is stressful...
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (18 July 2012):
 If your husband says its OK dont sign on.
If you feel that the money will HELP him, then sign on.
He could do with a little help.
Signing on isnt a bad thing; your entitled to that money: you paid your taxes! its your right to sign on.
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