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I didn't let him touch me and now he's ignoring me. Did I handle the situation wrong?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 18 July 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *uliet24 writes:

I met this guy at the weekend who I know through mutual friends and we went on a first date in the week. The drinks were flowing and we were having a smashing time, it was like the night should never have ended. I felt so comfortable. Anyway he suggests going to his house, to which I decline and say no because nothing will happen. Anyway he says just a few drinks etc so I went. I did not sleep with him but I played with him (masturbated). I would not let him play with me. He groped my breasts a little but nothing else. He is being very distant with me and does not want to chat. I think I could have handled the situation better. What are people's views?

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A male reader, JustHelpinAgain Canada +, writes (18 July 2012):

Whilst it might well be true to say that all men want sex it is not fair to say all men want is sex.

You should be pleased with yourself that despite a few drinks you kept your self values. Going to his place was the mistake but understandable in the height, and heat, of an evening you don't want to end.

Either he has been proven to be the total cad he is, or, if he has an ounce of respect and feeling for you he may be feeling like he needs to apologise for his less than chivalrous behaviour. If you like him then maybe you should make the opportunity for him to say something.

Ultimately you should feel good about yourself but remember it is always good to say goodbye on a first date when everything is happy - much easier to start the next date without the stress of wondering what each other is thinking about the last date!

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A female reader, reb1018 United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

I agree with Honeypie... I would have stood my ground. Chances are he didn't get exactly what he wanted and now just doesn't see putting in effort when there is no happy ending. If you feel you did something wrong then chances are you already know what he was in it for and if someone doesn't respect you enough to honor your choice then they aren't worth it.

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A female reader, MissTellAll United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

MissTellAll agony auntThe only way to really know would be to ask him

As far as I can tell it seems like he just wanted sex and is irritated that it didn't happen.

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A female reader, Eyespy17 United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

Sounds line he wanted sex - you didn't deliver - he's done because he wasn't interested in a relationship or really dating.

And if you had had sex - it would likely be the same outcome. He wouldn't have called. Sounds like he was looking for a one night stand - which would have been fine if it's what you wanted too.

My only advice (which I've learned over the years) - don't drink so much on first date and if you're really interested in someone as a Bf - don't come home with him the first night.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012):

it sucks when all guys want is sex..and thats what he wanted..maybe you should call him and see whats going on with him i would try another guy he seems like an ahole

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 July 2012):

Honeypie agony aunt1. You should have stood your ground and not gone home with him honestly.

2. Ask him, if you like him talk to him.

Could be all he wanted was sex from you but since you didn't want to "play" along he is miffed... Not sure.

I'd call him see if he wants to go out again. He he makes excuses, then he just isn't interested.

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