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female
,
anonymous
writes: I Really need help. Me and my now ex-boyfriend were dating for 5 months. Me and him were not speaking for a week and on Friday of that week I left town for vaction. He called me basically every day saying he missed me and sweet talking me.fter a week of vaction he called me on the same day I returned and he came to my house and we began kissing. Then I was showing him some pictures I took on vaction in my phone and he saw one with me that was embarrassing so I deleted it and he broke up with me that same night because he claims he saw a boy on the picture and that's why I deleted it, which is not true.Now he hasnt't called me in a week. I know he still loves me. Do you think he just needs more time to cool off because I miss him soooo much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): Guys can be so insecure at times ask to meet up with him and tell him seriously there was nothing going on when telling him look straight at him. It's easy to be insecure when so many people cheat on their lovers these days but believe me if you sit and talk with him convince him you would never break his heart he'll come around.
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (17 September 2005):
 Hmmm, hate to say this but he does sound really really immature, but I guess most guys go through this stage. Most get out of it at a certain age, but those handful who dont often tend to ruin their relationships because of this trait. You didnt say how old he is. Im assuming he's fairly young then, perhaps in his teens? As for now, I think you should take it easy and I believe he will call you. I think he's wanting to lay you on a guilt trip and whatever you do, dont let that happen. Refrain yourself from calling him, and when he does, tell him that you're really dissapointed in him for breaking up with you over some silly thing like a picture which you've explained earlier the reason for deleting it!! If he still doesnt get it in his thick skull and insists that you were in the wrong, I honestly think that this guy needs to grow up!! Let about 3 weeks to a month before making any contact with him. If he doesnt call you by then, you already know how much he thinks of you anyway, right??!! Good luck. Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2005): Don't go missing him too much, dear. I think you have a bf who has some potential to be emotionally abusive toward you over something that's pretty minor. You showed him a picture and rather than calmly asking you for an explanantion and telling you how it makes him feel..he got mad, angry, jealous & dumped you! Gosh, that's a bit over dramatic, isn't it? It's pattern of behaviour that you should really wonder about.(red flags!) He appears to be using his indifferent attitude (ignoring you) to coerce, shame and confuse you into doing what he wants. People who are controlling will often make you feel like you are to blame for their bad behaviour. You are not to blame-you did nothing wrong, dear. It's only been 5 months and he doesn't 'own' you. You can have your picture taken with anyone you please and if he trusted you-it shouldn't have bothered him. He has "chosen" to play this game with you and dump you and cause you emotional distress on purpose by ignoring you. That is not love, dear-that is emotional abuse. Really think long and hard about this. In a healthy loving, solid relationship, you should be able to feel ok just being yourself, and doing what you want to do. You are entitled to still be a seperate, whole person in this relationship-you don't have to answer to anybody for doing , what I feel was really "nothing wrong".
Love is not war. It's givingness-it's trust-it's respect.
These controlling behaviours with him is likely to get worse over time. But you can't make your boyfriend change his behaviour. They are the one who has to change their attitude and accept responsibility for treating you this way. Do not make excuses for his behaviour. You did nothing wrong. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect. Get on with your life and let him call you-proceed with caution, dear-protect yourself-you don't deserve to be treated this way. You and he need to have a long, heartfelt talk about whatis acceptable behaviour from him, in this relationships. Set the boundries, girl-don't ever allow this, again. Take care
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 September 2005):
 He sounds a bit immature and somewhat unsure of himself.
If you really do miss him very much, why not get in contact with him, explain again that there wasn't a boy in the picture and tell him how much you miss him.
A week has passed now, so why not give it a shot? Get in contact with him, ask him how he is and if he allows you, express how you feel and reassure him. Then take it from there.
Good luck.
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