A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with a girl for almost a year and a half now. We both love each other to bits and we get on so well with each other. We have lots in common with each other and do lots together.I'm 25 and she's 24 however our sex life has never been amazing. When I got together with her I had little sexual experience, whereas she had much more. I was nervous unsure of myself and I think this frustrated her, as whenever I plucked up the courage to make my move I was constantly thinking about whether she was enjoying it and if I was any good. I have relaxed a bit now but this issue is probably the biggest wedge between us. We don't have sex anywhere near as often as I would like and now we have gone about a month and a half since the last time and previously a month or more before that.We are both very busy and have both been going through some stressful times at work recently and don't have much spare time. I'm in the early stages of my teaching career and have a lot on and as a result I'm busy most evenings during the week. Seeing as we don't live together I often go over to see her almost every night but don't usually arrive until 9pm and usually we're just too tired to get in the mood. Recently we have discussed it and she said at the moment we seem more like really good friends than lovers. I dearly want to rediscover the spark that we had between us in the 'honeymoon period'. What can we do to spice things up a bit?
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at work, in the mood, period, sex life, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for replying, I'm feeling much more positive now. It is nice to know that I'm not alone out there! I really don't want this to be the end of us as a couple.She has said to me that she just doesn't find the sex that exciting and that she has just gotten bored. It means that when I try to instigate something and she isn't very responsive I just give up and had been assuming that she wasn't interested. She has said that she wants me to take charge and its something that I find difficult to do, mainly because of my personality and the insecurities I mentioned. I do realise that I need to try and be more assertive and get over these issues if we are to have a happy future together.We are going to start going on some dates again and rather than seeing eachother every night, we're going to cut it down to one or two quality nights together.Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (12 April 2008):
 It's difficult, I know. I have a similar situation really. My husband is sweet, loving and charming, but like you we don't get to see each other very much and when we do we are both tired. But why are we so tired now when we weren't before? From my side its because I find the sex quite dull - he has an ocd, and that makes him very controlled about everything, so he tends to want to make love in the same place - the bed - when we have a whole house to ourselves, is not a risk taker, and is not that turned on by sexy underwear any more. Its kind of like seen it once thats enough. I get very frustrated cos I've tried everything, so in the end I just give up and don't bother much, and feel too tired to care, but I'm sure thats part of the boredom. However, I just discovered he likes chatting with other ladies on the internet, so that turns him on, but he is not willing toshare that one with me, which is a pity, and we are now living apart because of that. So all in all, really I don't know, just I know there are many reasons for it. Are you bored? Is she bored? Have you discussed different places, been to sex shops, etc etc? If, like me, you exhausted it all, then really I don't know what to say other than good luck - and let me know what works :)))))
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 I cant really give an opinion on your situation, but if it were me I would do a few things1. Make time for both of you, try to finish earlier in the day...surprise her by being at home with "something" on the boil when she walks in...2. Romantic candlelit dinners at home or resturant3. Romantic bubble baths..for both of you4. Spicy love making in different places...just use your imagination a little5. Turn the phones OFF6. Massage's....plenty of scented oil....need I say more7. Be spontaneous....you know the sort of thing...she is in the kitchen cooking.....sneak up and surprise her....you get my drift...
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