A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright, I tend to get a bit obsessive when it comes to my boyfriends Ex-girlfriend. We have been together for almost 2 years and I know I shouldnt worry. But I get so paranoid when it comes to her and ONLY her. Like I have to go to her profile and find out whats going on just to make sure she doesnt mention him. See they were together for 4 1/2 years. And I think shes way prettier. Shes thin , blonde, and blue eyed. Im curvy, brunette, green eyes. We are complete oppisites. Does anyone have any advice on helping not worry about her so much? I know I shouldnt. Heck shes even in another state. I dont know if I worry that shell start messaging him again and he wont tell me. I found that out by snooping... I know Im bad. He didnt say anything bad to her. But I hate the thought of him talking to her.
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female
reader, Angela.B  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 He might have been ready to marry her, but that was before she showed her true colours by cheating. That's enough to make most people change their minds about someone.And as for talking on myspace, well, I talk to some of my ex's. Once you've stopped hating them, it is nice to keep in touch occasionally and find out how they are doing. It doesn't mean I am going to get back with them, in fact exactly the opposite - often that brief conversation is all it takes to remind me exactly why they are an ex in the first place!The fact that you're so worried about it is probably why he kept it secret from you. It probably just seemed better, and easier, not to tell you which is far different from not wanting you to know what they were chatting about.Then you split up for 3 weeks, and at a time when he would have been emotionally vulnerable and hurting he sought some comfort from his ex. Did he find that comfort, and did they end up back together? No! He ended up back together with you. Remind me again which of the two of you it is he really loves? :)The thing is, you pretty much know all this and yet you still can't let it go. If hearing someone else saying "look girl, you've nothing to worry about" is helping then that's great - we all need that sometimes. But if it isn't perhaps you need to think a bit deeper about what it is, perhaps in your past, that is making you so insecure? Speaking to a counsellor could help you - and getting to grips with this now would stop you from possibly ruining a whole series of relationships in the future. After all, such behaviour is going to drive boyfriends away from you if you're not careful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I wrote this to someone to explain this a little more... so i figured id post it. it explains things a little..
See I think he may still have feelings for her sometimes. He was ready to marry her. And she cheated on him. So he says he would never go back to her. But there was times they talked on myspace and he hid it from me. And when we broke up for 3 weeks.. I found that he was messaging her saying he still loved her. Now that was about 9 months ago. But a part of me cant get it out of my head. I still do snoop from time to time.. like I cant check his page anyone since he changed his password lol.. which is kinda good cause I dont feel as tempted to look.. But I do check his phone sometimes when hes in the shower. And theres nothing. And I know I have nothing to worry about anymore. But its like I cant get her outta my head. Especially when Im not around him. I dont worry about him with any other girl or that hell do anything. I just get worried hell talk to her and some of those feelings will come back
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A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (25 July 2008):
The trouble with snooping is that sooner or later you are going to find exactly what you are looking for.
Not that there is anything to find, but you get yourself so paranoid that there is that you look at the most innocent "evidence" and begin to twist it into your worst nightmare.
No matter who you date the one thing you can be sure of is that they have a past that didn't involve you and did involve someone else. Someones past is vitally important to them, and it shaped them into who they are today. But it is not their present and it certainly is not their future - that honour belongs to you.
Believe it or not, there are things his ex did (and didn't do) that helped make him into the person he is today, the person that you love and loves you. She isn't a threat to your relationship - she actually helped create your relationship. Sure, she didn't mean to but who gets the benefit of it? You do!
So, you look different to her... which means that whatever she did it was enough to put him off dating thin blonde girls and realise that curvy brunettes are far nicer. Lucky for you, eh?
On that basis, what have you got to worry about?
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 It makes sense that you are worried about her because they were together so long. Is he the same age as you? If so, let me do some quick math...
They started dating at 14 years old, and broke up at 18-19. A teenage romance. If I recall my adolescence correctly, the bonds were shallow, and the sex was awful. If this is the case, I honestly wouldn't worry about her at all.
Anyway, if he's older than you then disregard that but keep in mind that they broke up for a reason. It wasn't working between them, the connection wasn't quite right, and they weren't compatible. People don't break up because OMG THEY ARE SOOOO IN LOVE and their partner is SOOOOO SEXY AND PERFECT! No. They break up because something sucks, they can't take it anymore, and they want. the. f*ck. OUT.
He got out, and now he's with you. Who cares what she looks like? Irrelevant. Has he given you any reason to suspect that he still has feelings for her? Is he honest and faithful to you? Does he treat you with respect? Do you love him, and does he make you happy? These things are more important than what some ex looks like.
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