A
female
age
36-40,
*auraT_2010
writes:I am 23 years old, I'm in grad school working on my doctorate...it's my second year. Outside of school I have no social life. During the school year, I'm distracted by everything so that I don't have time to dwell on the fact that most of the time, I spend alone at home. It's sad and now that it's summer, and I'm getting a break, I'm realizing just how lonely I am. I can't even sleep at night because I'm always thinking about how I have no friends. It just makes me sad.Needless to say, I've never been in a relationship or even truly hung out with friends. Unless I'm speaking to a family member, I can go the entire day or even longer without saying a single word. I know I'm rambling on and on about this and I'm sure you get the picture. I just want someone to hang out with. I'm so afraid I'm never going to find anyone, get married, have a family. I mean, I'm already 23, I went 23 years without a single friend...I just don't know what the first step to take is.I have tons to acquaintances, I have been out on dates, but I've somehow or other managed to screw them up. Another factor that brought on this loneliness is that I recently stopped seeing this guy. Before, I had him to hang out with and talk to, but now I don't. And I don't even have any girlfriends to go to for support.I know what my issues are, I just don't know how to change them. Apparently I have no problems attracting guys, I just have a problem keeping their interest. I'm just so shy and my mind goes blank, half the time I just sit there in silence because I'm panicking over what to say and that makes me even more quiet. And who wants to date someone who can't say anything interesting?I'm not really sure what I want to get out of posting this. I guess I just need someone to tell me that everything will be ok, that I will find someone. Maybe even advice on how to stop being so shy and nervous all the time. I just don't know what to do at this point.
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male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Laura, first things first. You are a great girl and some guy will be lucky to have you as his gf/wife. Love just happens. Don't even worry about it.
Now, if you want to have more friends, that's a very valid question. Please volunteer for some social work (at library, clinic, sports center, etc) this summer, and I can almost guarantee you that you will make at least 5 new friends...it always works, because the social work brings people without any agenda and you will find it easy to speak when you know that "fusion of gametes" is not part of the agenda just yet. Give it a try please.
Wishing you happiness.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Confidence will come with your accomplishments once you realize how competent you are in your field with the knowledge and experience you have acquired for your field of studies.
Persist in your resolve to get your academic qualifications and you will be fulfilled in your goals for the foundation of your life. Once you have the foundation you can relax and think about meeting someone to complement your life and with your skill-set and accomplishments you will be a sought after catch.
You are very young and you are fretting about needlessly. When you are older you will see this.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 You're working on your doctorate -- Good for you! You are doing something absolutely amazing. You've recognized your talent, and you're taking it to the next level. Very, very few people can do that. Give yourself a very serious pat on the back.
People who achieve at your level are very often shy. You need to stay in your comfort zone at the start of a relationship. Be with people either in your field or at your level of accomplishment. If you're with people with whom you have common ground, then you don't have to fret about what to say next. And consider this -- when you're with someone, you want them to be comfortable. You want them to do well. They have exactly the same bias. They're not looking to judge you, they want it to go well too.
Best wishes.
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