A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 3 years. I'm 17 now and he's 18.. So obviously we've been together most of our teen years. He's amazing, he truly is the kind of guy you only dream of finding, but don't really think they exist. He's very well mannered, even after 3 years around my family. He's respectful to me, carries my books, opens doors, walks me in, does not push me to have sex. He really is amazing, he's so much like me. We've always had this spark, this connection, since day one. We love the same stuff, we have fun doing the stupidest things. We can laugh at anything and everything. Even when we're mad we can say something stupid and forget the argument and make a joke about whatever was said. I honestly do love him, but I'm graudating this year and it's hit me that I've spent most of my high school years with this boy, never having the freedom my friends had to go out everyweekend with different people, never having to choose between doing something with your friends or with your boyfriend. I never got to go to parties with just my friends, only him. We're like the married couple out of my friends, and it's weird.. I'm in highschool, and I in now way wish to be married.. Yet, I feel like I am, and have been for 3 years. I can't express how lucky I am to have found him, but sometimes I wish I could have found him 4 years later. I know I shouldn't feel like this.. but sometimes I wish I could just be with that one guy I've had feelings for ever since 6th grade, that typical bad guy who never fell for a girl. The guy who, this summer, told me he'd fell inlove with me and my personality years ago, but like me was too afraid to say it. The guy who admited he'd never been inlove before but said if there was anyone he'd want to be inlove with, it'd easily be me. The guy who quit smoking and drinking because I told him it was unappealing to me. That same guy who I always call when I'm upset because I know I can count on him to make me feel 100 times better about any situation, because he hates to hear me cry.. and he knows that playing the guitar and singing for me melts my heart more than anything anyone could ever say.I'm torn between to extremes, I know if I stay with who I'm with now we'll have a great future together, because he's going to college this year, then getting a great job.. I'm going to college next year to become a radiologist.. So we'll be very financially set. But I also know if I gave this other guy a shot, I could love him like no one else has ever loved him before, and I know he would me too. He knows more about me than my now boyfriend probably does. I know that if I was with him, we wouldn't be the married couple, everyone knows him as the bad boy type, and I'm the good girl type.. and they all know we're best friends. I know things would be exciting with him, but at the same time, safe. Yes, with him I'd be excited and safe.. with my now boyfriend I'd be secure and old.I don't know what to do.I am inlove with my now boyfriend, I love him more than anything. I really do.But I could so eaisly be inlove with the other guy.Another thing, my now boyfriend is not romantic whatsoever. Never has been, and I don't look for him to ever be.The other guy is incredibly deep, he thinks about things on a whole other level than most people.Close to Christmas he took me out to a place we always go to talk when I'm upset, and he had went early and put christmas lights around a tree we always run around when it rains so water will fall on us, anyway, he put lights around that tree.. and had them turn on when we rode up to surpise me..then we went out there and sat under the tree on a blanket he'd brought and covered up with another one we'd brought.. and looked at the stars, and he played a song on the guitar.I'll never forget that.My now boyfriend would never do that..He would say something like that was too much work and silly.What should I do, please help.This is risking a 3 year relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers. You all really helped.
I think I'm just going to go with the flow.. If things dont work out in the upcoming year with my now boyfriend, I think it'd be best to just let it go..
and the other guy still goes to the same college as me, as he said he would years ago... and the spark is still there.. I may try it with him.
Only if there's still a spark.
If there's not.. I'll know it was a "want what you cant have" thing.
Thanks again, I'll keep you updated if you'd like.
Thanks for not judging me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): You could be in love with this other guy dont you know??
If you have a decent boyfriend then I would stick with him. The first romances always wear off but if he is a good one as you say I wouldnt risk losing him onb the chances that you COULD be in lovfe with another one.
if your sure you love the other one then finish with the good one you have but make sure that is really the best thing to do
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This could just be a phase that you are going through - wanting to push the boundaries, test where you want to be. I've watched my friends go through the same thing. They were pally with me, then they wanted more and went to find it. Some of them came back because they realised what we had was the right thing for them. Some didn't.
Whatever you do you are going to hurt somebody. What you feel for the second guy could just be so strong because you are not allowed to have him. We always want what we can't have. Consider, if the roles were reversed (if you were with guy 2), would you maybe be lusting after your now-boyfriend the same way?
Your boyfriend sounds like a solid, reliable guy. So he doesn't do romantic things, romance doesn't only go one way. Maybe you could try to spice things up between the two of you. I say, try to keep this thing with your boyfriend. But remember his feelings aswell - he won't want to be with someone who "loves" someone else.
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female
reader, Jane Dashwood  +, writes (7 July 2008):
Dear I love with someone else,Have you ever asked yourself if you and your current boyfriend are "in" love with each other. Yes you may love each other. As in you care for each other, wouldn't want the others feelings to be hurt. But have you and he ever thought that maybe you are more best friends than boyfriend/girlfriend.This other guy the classic bad boy the one that says he's changed for you, that makes you melt. Could be and I mean this kindly just a crush like you yourself said you are 17. You are still young. You shouldn't be making any big life changing plans other than where you will go for you higher education and what you want to do on the weekend. I believe it is in your best interest to cool it with both guys. Do the oh...so silly sit-com thing and write a pro and con list as to how they fit into your life. Remember you will be going to college an a person who has finished college I can tell you without a doubt that there is so much more out there for anyone, who seems to be as smart as you. Right now I think you are both excited and just a little scared of the change that will happen and so you want to hold on to something slightly familiar.My advice to you would be to take the summer off for yourself be with your friends and DON'T date either of them. What I'm going to say next might sound like it's coming right out of a silly romance comedy, but you will meet the right guy when you are ready.
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