A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've got this problem but I guess it will make more sense if I tell you about my relationship first. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months, we have known each other for a couple of years and when we first got together it was a bit confusing, i didn't really know what I wanted. It started at the end of December but we were just really seeing each other to begin with and i guess i didn't really realise how happy i was or how much i wanted to be with him for a few months. For him he was more sure but since talking to him about it i guess he think we were together from early feb. Now I'm really happy and I guess the more i care about him the worse this problem gets and the worse I feel about it.The thing is I did something really bad at the beginning of January and i don't know whether to tell hime. I went away with my friend to visit some of her friends. There were only two beds and i ended up sharing with one of her friends. We had quite a few drinks the first night and he kept trying to kiss me. He knew i was seeing this new guy at the time. I pushed him away and said i couldn't do that to the guy i was seeing. I was annoyed at him but he apologised the next day so i didn't think about changing the sleeping arrangements. The thing is I got really drunk the next night...so much so that I have little memory of the night. Apparantly i feel asleep on the couch and my friend put me to bed. The next thing i really remember was waking up and realising i had slept with that guy...i had a slight flashback and just knew. I got really upset and didn't know what to do. He was worried and said he was sorry to have upset me. I just know I wouln't have ever done anything like that ordinarily and felt so unbelievably awful. I had to go through getting the morning after pill and everything and it took me ages to get my head around it.I guess i didn't consider the guy i was seeing as my boyfriend but still felt i'd abused his trust with something i didn't even want to do. I didn't think that this relationship would really last as was so unsure about it so i decided it would do far more harm than good by telling him and spoke to a few friends who agreed. This guy has so many trust issues that it was a really big thing for him to trust me and he always says how trust is so important to him in a girlfriend. The thing is now i think i'm falling in love with him and it just makes me feel more awful that there is this big thing he doesn't know. I feel like I've betrayed him and don't know if he would forgive me if i told him. I always reasoned that it would be hurting him with something i never wanted to do and never would have in any other circumstances. But i feel like it is destroying me now and that if i tell him or if i don't that it will destroy us either way. I'm terrified and i don't know what to do. Everytime i look at him just knowing how much he trusts me hurts me so much and i feel so much guilt.I just don't know what i should do, i don't know if he'd understand. This is not what i wanted and i never even fancied the guy i slept with. I wish i even knew why it happened but i don't. I don't even know if i was aware of what was happening. Feel like there was no choice on my part and now its destroying what i've got with my boyfriend. If i stay with my boyfriend and we got married how could i not tell him...how could i hide such a big secret?Please can someone give me some advice? I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I know I have got myself in a mess. I need to deal with it sooner rather than later and i know i need to tell him deep down. I guess I'm just frightened, we've never even really had a proper argument and the thought of hurting him or of having him look at me with anything other than affection feels awful. The words are going over in my head of what i should say...i guess i hope at least he hears everything i tell him and that he doesn't bottle up how he feels about it as he has a tendency to do that about things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Oh honey...you've gotten yourself in a jam i'm afraid...the best thing you could do would be to tell him. He's bound to be upset. be prepared. know that there's more than likely going to be yelling involved...you just have to stay strong and make sure you try to tell him as gently as you can. Don't just burst out saying "I CHEATED ON YOU! I'M SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!" Explain what you can remember. tell him that even though you were drunk it was no excuse and you feel so badly about it and tell him that your falling for him. (if your brave enough and if you really are falling for him) and tell him that it was a mistake that you'll never make again. and most importantly....say your sorry. Hope this helps love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Tell your BF. After that you can start building a relationship on truth again.
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