A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of one year is from another country and talks from time to time about foods he misses that aren't common here. Thinking I would surprise him, I went out of my way to make a dish he had been reminiscing about. Since I'd never tasted it before, it took a fair amount of research and effort on my part. I wasn't expecting it to result in a crazy romantic evening or anything out of the ordinary because he had plans to play pool with one of his guy friends, and I was cool with that, but I was really hurt when he used the entire 45 minutes between dinner and the friend picking him up to intently text, and then call, this other girl who lives out of state. Literally, he was still on the phone with her outside the apartment when his ride showed up. Instead of hanging up he put the phone down outside where he had been talking, came in and said a very brief goodbye to me, and then left.It gets better. The reason he was talking to her (he told me this before he even called her) is that she and one of her girlfriends are making plans to go to Las Vegas over Valentine's Day weekend and they want to meet up with him there. Nothing he has said to me about her (and nothing that I overheard of their conversation; he was giggling like a schoolgirl and not talking quietly at all) leads me to believe he's even told her he's not single... which doesn't surprise me, because it took him forever to identify me as his girlfriend even to friends we'd run into all the time. I find the whole situation really disrespectful on his part, but I'd like other opinions - am I overreacting here?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 A round of applauses to Chigirl for having underlined something important :
it seems that what bothers you is that he was calling another girl. Yes, I understand that you dislike that and it makes you suspicious, but, had he been on the phone with his ailing grandfather, .. he is a rude and disrespectful jerk anyway.
You don't accept people invitations and then devote most of your attention to other people. You turn your phone OFF , or, if this is not advisable or feasible, you take incoming calls and say " Sorry ,I'll call you back, I'm with company right now ". Some allowances may be made for young teens who apparently need to " stay connected " as they need the air the breathe :), but an adult ?,.. that's really manners 101, not Buckingham Palace etiquette.
So have him clean his act in general, not only in references to his contacts with women, or- show him the door.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Yea I would have locked the door behind him. That is disrespectful to the max.
You do not TEXT or talk on the phone over dinner, at the check out, while driving...
He doesn't sound like a winner to me.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 January 2012):
I hope you stick to it, OP. Sounds to me like he's trying to set up something so he can have it both ways, very sloppily though, I have to say that. Don't ever accept any crap from him again, period.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): I am the question asker. Thank you all for your honesty, it's hard to hear but I realize you are right. Just to clarify, he was not talking on the phone during the meal itself - we ate, I did the dishes and he started texting her.I have basically given him an ultimatum that either he makes clear to the other girls he is too friendly with that he has a girlfriend and is not available, or that I am done being his girlfriend. The ball is in his court now. Thanks to all of you, the decision hurts but I think it is the right choice.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 It is disrespectful to be texting and calling while you are eating dinner with someone. Period. I had a boyfriend who used to text while we were out on dates and it was disrespectful, hurtful, and bothersome. I can't believe I even had to tell him, these things are pretty easy to get if you have any social antennas. But anyway, a warning is needed before you can get angry. Tell him you find it rude to be texting and calling and being otherwise occupied when he is eating dinner with company (with you to be precise) and that it hurts. He needs to stop doing it. But you need to inform him about it first. If he then doesn't stop you can get mad.
Seriously, this is pretty basic, I have a friend who used to text while with other friends as well, in the middle of discussion. If he wanted to use the phone he should excuse himself from the company of the others. Because texting/being on the phone shows that the company you have isn't worth your attention, while the person on the phone IS worth the attention.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (4 January 2012):
 He doesn't love you, point blank. You're not over-reacting. In fact, you're not reacting the way a normal, self-respecting person would by leaving this douche. He is using you for his own needs and when he finds someone else, he will drop you like a hot potato.
He reluctantly introduced you to his friends as his gf and now he is talking and planing to go to Vegas with some girl you don't know? Clearly he is more interested in talking and spending time with her her than you. It's only a matter of time before he dumps you or cheats on you (if he hasn't already). Leave and never look back.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 This is bullshit. He needs to take a seat in my school of respect. He seems to be taking u for granted and doesnt show appreciation. That def isnt fair to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): No, you have put up with far too much from him. Save your efforts for someone who appreciates you more and if someone starts this kind of phoning another woman and squeezing you in before his pool, let him know that you are worth better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Honey I am sorry but he sounds like a nightmare who has no respect for you whatsoever. Moreover, and sorry again, but you sound very, very naive. Tell him to take a hike and find someone who appreciates the effort that you make and is also happy to return your care and consideration.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Nope, no over reaction in my opinion. His behaviour showed a lack of respect and acknowledgment for your efforts.
I'd be asking for clarification on your status as girlfriend or not, also what he beleives is involved in being girlfriend and boyfriend to make sure you are both on the same page.
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