A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. In the beginning, things were great and we were really into each other. We would have sex often, and things couldn't have been better.Lately, I don't feel like she's into me anymore. I still love her unconditionally, but she doesn't seem to give me that love back. She gives me "half kisses", isn't very affectionate, and sex is pretty rare. I always take care of her and I don't treat her badly at all. She has even been pushing me to propose, and I agreed to do so this year, despite the lack of love I receive from her.She happens to be a very good friend of one of my friends. They had a conversation today online, and my friend showed me (voluntarily) what she said. I did not question her about it, because it would only aggravate the situation.-She knows I take care of her-She enjoys my company-She knows I'll give her a good life in the future-She wants to hang out with someone else (not necessary another guy, but anyone)-She wants to feel "sexual tension" again-She has received risque pictures from another friend and changed her email password to be safe-She is unsure if anyone would love her the way I doMy girlfriend still keeps up with her "cute antics", inside jokes, and the general "language of the relationship." To me, she plays it like nothing is wrong. When I ask her if something is on her mind, she doesn't admit anything to me.According to her, she wants to marry me, is not looking for anyone else, and loves me. We spend the majority of our time together because we go to the same school, and she doesn't have friends around here (sad, yes.)I don't want her to go and do something stupid, to cheat, or even consider it. What is her intention?What am I doing wrong? How can I get her to be "into me" again? My guess is that she's lonely, and wants someone else's company. She plays it out as if she wants to cheat, or wants to be with another guy. I push her to make friends and even introduce her to mine, but she isn't very social at all.I do love her to bits and pieces, and I just want the relationship to get back on track. I knew for a while that something was up, based on how she was treating me. The one time I confronted her about it, she apologized and cried. I asked her why she cried, and she said she didn't want to make me upset.I'm not sure if her reaction is an act, or what. From what happened recently, I honestly think it is.We need to get that "spark" back. Or better, I need to light her fire again. I feel like I've been too nice to her, and I do way too much. I guess she doesn't appreciate it anymore. Maybe I need to be a little more "cocky" in a confident sense. I send her a text message every morning to brighten up her day, what can I tell her for tomorrow's message?I'm so damn lost...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): I'm sorry to say this, but honestly I feel that this relationship is over. Your gf is just not into you and there's nothing you can do because she won't even talk honestly, she's hiding her thoughts and feelings and intentions from you.
But what's worse is that she's keeping you around for her comfort and security even though she's not into you. So you see, she's in this relationship out of a fear of loneliness, and that's it. yes she wants the relationship to continue. No she doesn't want to leave you. But, she's not interested in you.
You can't make someone feel more attracted to you, if you're already doing everything 'right.' At some point you just have to accept that she's not interested in you, even though she wants the relationship to continue (to avoid discomfort for herself). You have to decide if you are OK with this kind of relationship. If not, then you should break up with her so you can find someone else who will stay interested in you and not just be using you as a security blanket.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 This is very clear cut to me and I'm afraid you are not going to like what I'm going to say next. She doesnt love you, she is no longer attracted to you and she doesnt see you as much more than a friend.
You are her 'security blanket', a safe and secure option. You are a stable presence in her life, she knows you love her and will look after her therefore she feels like she should marry you because you are such a safe choice for a partner.
However she has no feelings for you - she is basically using you without admitting it. She is only with you because she is afraid that she wont meet anyone else who loves her like you do, she knows how strong your feelings are for her and she is afraid to let that go.
But it is not at all fair on you that she is using you like this, you deserve someone that loves you and who feels as strongly about you as you do for them.
You have definitely been too nice to her, she is walking all over you and doesnt appreciate you at all. The reason why she cries when you confront her is because deep down she will actually be feeling guilty she is using you like this, and she will care about you as a friend so she wont want to see you hurt. She knows what she is doing is wrong but she is too weak and pathetic to admit she doesnt love you anymore and be on her own.
The only option you have is to leave her, dont try to fix this or work on it as she will just carry on with her 'act' and eventually you will end up married to someone who doesnt love you who will have affairs behind your back.
I know you love her and this will be very hard, but the best thing for both of you is to seperate and move on. She needs to learn to be single, to make friends and to figure out what sort of man she wants. You need to stop wasting time with someone who really doesnt love you and find a girl who truly appreciates you.
If you stay together this is only going to get worse. Even if you talk to her and tell her you are unhappy with the lack of interest, she will just up her game and this 'act' she puts on will just intensify, so you will think she is more interested when really it is just an act. So you will feel fine and she will still have the same feelings deep down - that she is no longer in love with you and wants more excitement in her life.
I promise you she is only using you because she knows she will have a safe and secure future as you will always be there for her. She is abusing your feelings for her and taking advantage of your nature. You deserve to have someone love you in return, not use you like this.
There really is no fixing this relationship, she has been a very good actress and totally taken advantage of you - you just need to wake up and realise this is not a good relationship and it cannot be saved, you can do a lot better than her so be brave and end this now before she does actually end up cheating on you. Because she will, I am sure of that.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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