A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I did something I probably shouldn't do...sigh! Now I need some advice!My LDR boyfriend is on a travel site which has a setting that looks exactly like match.com (one to one, not a forum), in fact I think it's a combination of dating and meeting global friends/travel mate. He did meet some girls there before we met and after he moved to a new city for work, he subscribed their service again ($150 per year) and is on there everyday. We've talked about this before, he said it's only about traveling talk.On one side I can understand that he's there knowing nobody, and talking to some people about traveling is something he really likes, but I'm not sure if he's doing other things...we met online after all (not that site though).So I created this fake profile and wanted to see what he's doing there. But I couldn't email him first as I haven't subscribed, so I sent a "smile" and he browsed my profile that night, and one day later, he browsed it again and replied with two lines, the first commenting on my city and where I live (we used to live in the same city before he moved away so I put in the city I'm living in now in my profile) and the second commenting and asking about a travel experience I mentioned in my profile. No "hi" or "cheers", not even his name at the end.The fake picture I put on was a pretty good-looking but not slutty girl. I guess from his reaction I can say that he's just "talking to people about traveling" as he told me. His relationship status there is "involved" and he's "looking for" both female and male (most guys there are looking for female only).I feel pretty bad honestly...should I just give him no reply from the fake profile? Or do I give a short reply which looks like I expect no further reply? Or is it even possible that he may "make a move" after some conversations? Help please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Sorry hun, I witness time and time again,that people who instantly have no trust,eventualy show themself as untrustworthy and defensive or even cheat.It could be that what you would do in a situation,then he is too.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Hey, I read your other 2 posts CO dirtball. Think of it this way, he's paid the $150 so it's fair enough for him to want to continue to use the service, He has changed his status to 'involved' so it is not like he is advertising himself as a single man looking for chicks.If he actually like travelling then maybe he is just using this website to actually meet people he could go travelling with. You worry he may meet another woman via this site because he has in the past. This is similar to saying you are worried about him going to a bar or club because he once met an ex girlfriend there.The bottom line is, you have to trust him. If he does not give you a genuine reason to believe he is cheating or looking to cheat, you must not suspect him. You will always be expecting him to do something. This will make your relationship unhealthy. You will not be able to fully trust or and let your guard down with him and enjoy the relationship, and he will always feel like you are watching him and will resent your lack of trust and feel that he cannot have any female friends without upsetting you.This must stem from whatever he did to lose your trust in the first place. You must deal with what happened. Did he cheat on you? Did he flirt with another girl? If he has wronged you, you must deal with it or move on. If he has cheated, you do not deserve that and you should move on if you cannot forget. If it wasn't cheating but he gave you a reason to doubt his faithfulness then you must discuss this with him to move forward. But ultimatly if he has been a good boyfriend since then and says he just wants to make friends, you have to believe him.If he in on his own in a new city, maybe he is just lonely and because he has this site to talk to people, maybe that is why he uses it. He could feel very lonely and just wants to meet people. It must be difficult for you with him living in a different place to him as well. LDRs are hard because you aren't there with him day to day. This can make you question your relationship and you can end up imagining that he is cheating. It really is a massive test of trust and commitment. I am in an LDR myself and I have worried about my bf going to bars and getting chatted up because I cannot be there. Just tonight he asked me if a guy friend of mine I said I was going to a party with was my " secret boyfriend". (he's not n my bf knows this) LDRs really push trust to the limit. It is hard to be reassured when the person is so far away. Unless you know for certain he is cheating, just don't think he would. You have to say to yourself, you don't accept cheating, you would not do it, if a partner did you would not accept it. This way I never doubt my partner because I know if I ever did find out he had cheated it would be over. I trust him completly because I do not accept cheating in my life. If a man cheats on me he is really cheating himself of a real love. As I dont cheat, I do not expect he will cheat. I do not suspect him. If he would cheat he would be the fool, not me, because I am the better person. You have to think like that or you will drive yourself mad. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I think you should try and quit "tricking" him. It's what the law would call entrapment ;)
Obviously you have some trust issues with your man. Figure out why and deal with it openly and honestly.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Well well well... You have a different country as your origin this time, but my gut tells me this is you again.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-boyfriend-talking-to-other-girls-online.html
So, you still couldn't trust him and you tried to set him up. Since he passed your little test, are you finally going to drop this? I doubt it, your trust issues run a little too deep. You'll likely never be satisfied until you drive him away with your untrusting insecure treatment of your relationship.
I know he did some things to damage your trust in the past, but either you learn to forgive and try to rebuild that trust, or break up and stop wasting both of your time.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (6 January 2011):
 You tried to catch him, but he acted toward this stranger exactly how he said he would. Don't try to encourage flirting, just wrap this one up as him being honest (as far as you've seen, he is being straightforward) and just let the site go. Don't reply, just move on and be glad he's not being underhanded.
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