A
male
age
51-59,
*eaceseeker
writes:Ok, So i have had quite a few relationships with women.I have unfortunately broken my share of hearts and have had 2 devestating heartbreaks of my own. Until this last summer.Before this past relationship I took about a 3 year break from dating and getting into a relationship for the need to clean my own house.I realized that I was going in and out of relationship after relationship and not fully realizing the consequences of my actions and the effects my habbitual nature imposed on people. I became numb to the possibility of really finding love again and just went thru the motions of an emotional affair. Hurting people along the way. Reckless and careless and stupid and every other adjective you want to insert I fully accept.Thats why I stopped doing such things. And promised myself that the next relationship I got into I'd be healthy, baggageless and completely engaged in who and what I was getting into.Then she came into my life...I knew her casually for about a year or so. Because I was on my "soul searching" retreat, I just thought of her as a cute girl but I'm not trying to get into anything. She came at me and gave me signs of interest. So I obliged. The first time we hung out, it was magical!!She blew me away completely like I've never known. To make a long story short, I was completely hers. I dove in like a promised I would. I fell completely in Love with this woman and thats not an understatement. We were together for a few months and I found out what it was to be alive again!!! We talked about living together and having a family and children. We spoke about nothing and it was ok, know what I mean? It was so perfect and I felt like this was exactly what I've waited 3 years for and really my entire life for. That the 3 years of being alone and working on myself actually paid off and I found the love of my life finally!!! It was truly amazing and wonderful and remarkable. But(of course) I forgot one thing during my 3 year house cleaning. I forgot to consider the other person...Well Life happens and of course problems insued and I found her backing away. She eventually broke of the relationship for her inability to be in one. She said she was me a few years ago,the numb person incapable of being in a relationship on a serious level. We went back and forth with this during our relationship but this time it was def the end. It has been almost 2 months now. So, on one of the social networking sites, A few days ago I see that she has changed her relationship status from invisible to "in a relationship". WTF?!?!? Needless to say that this stung me like nothing I've ever felt before. My heart shattered and the hole in my chest opened and grew even bigger. It felt as if she was throwing this in my face because she knows who sees these things when posted. Our break up wasn't an ugly one. Altho the relationship did take serious hits to it towards the end. I never cheated, stole or lied to her. Never treated her badly in any way. She told me how I was too good for her and how I deserve better.I was always there for her when she was going thru her own personal problems: family, friends, work/job, health, money etc... Always there for her.So i guess that this question is more for the Women out there but guys feel free to help, but Is this possible? To say that you love and are in love with me, tell me that you miss me and that I have opened you up to love again, talk about a future together openly and effortlessly while we were together as far as "our kids" and where we want them growing up etc... we even picked out names for them!!! Then after the break up post "in a relationship" when being in a committed relationship was the issue between us. Not to mention that its not even @ months since we stopped seeing each other. How could someone do this? I think back to all the hearts I may have broken, I would never have done something like that.If the other person happens to find out that I've moved on, so be it, but I'd never throw this out there for them to see and to hurt them in such a deep way. Am I just being naive in thinking that bad people couldnt have done this to me? I'm too smart and too experienced for that. What would motivate someone to be so hurtful? Women please explain... I need to know. If more details are needed, I will gladly share. I only wrote this much bit there is much more I could write. Plus the fact that I'm finding writing and talking about this therapeutic.
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male
reader, joe culls  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 thank you for always keeping us updated...the steps you are taking are the best...good luck and be blessed. keep us on the know
A
male
reader, peaceseeker +, writes (4 February 2011):
peaceseeker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo today Im finally sure of the truth and it was what I thought it was. She is now in a relationship with the dude she "went out" with when I wrote that FB post to my friend. I saw a pic of them on FB and it is what it is.
Concluded just like that. I still stuggle with this but its getting better. I've been on a few dates and im kinda interested in someone, and have a date this weekend with someone I dated years ago. I'm on my way to recovery. Ill find my way back soon enough. FAITH!!!
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male
reader, peaceseeker +, writes (31 January 2011):
peaceseeker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Joe for commenting on my situation. But the question was really about why would she post that on FB. Not whether she is in a relationship or not. How could she have done that to me? I'm already at the point of moving on and not looking to reconcile things with her. I wish her happiness and love in her future, but She hurt me too deeply with that post. When I saw that on FB, it felt like she threw a sword from across the room and stabbed my heart, then came across the room and then carved out my already bleeding heart and then stepped on it till it died. A deliberate, calculated and perfect assassination. I would never have done that to her. I could never do that to anyone. Even if it were true, and not a reverse psychology game, I know that it would have killed her or anyone. It was pretty cold hearted and makes me feel all the good we shared was a lie.All the times she told me she loved me and wanted me seems like it was an alternate reality. The sad thing is that the way I felt for her was like none other. It was truly love for me and it still hurts to think that it was a lie that I felt so deeply for. I'm still getting over her and trying to go on, but it's a struggle day to day with good days and worse days. But it's getting better. I've been here before. A long time ago and that's probably the reason I never allowed myself to get so close to someone. I just hope when I get out of this, I find the strength to love someone fearlessly and unconditionally. And not fall back into the haze of getting in and out of relationships without emotional commitment... But thanks again for your input.
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A
male
reader, joe culls +, writes (29 January 2011):
my friend, i may be in a similar situation but i think you are just concluding things. surely, do you believe in fb that much? to take everythng posted on a page too seriously? am an active facebooker and if you dont knw, i use my page to remove frustrations and i never take them really serious.i believe in karma too but dont bring karma into this.its plain as day, she is using reverse psychology on you, either she thought that her changed relationship status did affect you the way she wanted because she wanted you to get a little jealous!!man, take her out and pour your heart out. I know she loves you judging by her actions but work on whatever caused the break up. Dont follow each advise to the letter, do your thing your own way and I wish the very best. by the way, why dont you invite her for coffee on her facebook wall page and see how she reacts to it...
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male
reader, peaceseeker +, writes (28 January 2011):
peaceseeker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:It been a while since I posted anything about this but I have been doing the no contact/limited contact method of getting over her. We recently had a mutual friend pass away and she texted me about it. I replied the next day but was short and NOT open ended. But I see that she is "liking" some of my posts on FB. I still havent checked her page to see how she is. I'm keeping my distance. I have gone back and forth about deleting her as a friend but as of now, we are still friends. The other day she "poked" me on FB. Knowing that "poking" each other was a private joke we shared. WHY?!?!?! If I were her new love interest, I would be uncomfortable with her "poking" the guy she just dated. Maybe its harmless, maybe she misses me a bit. But maybe not. She doesn't know that I was deeply hurt by her initial post of "in a relationship" and I have been cutting off all contact with her since then. If this is the "one" for her like some of you have suggested, then why would she be initiating contact with me? I'm just trying to relish the fact that now she is someone else's headcase and no longer mine.
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male
reader, peaceseeker +, writes (7 January 2011):
peaceseeker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI beleive in karma. Thats why I I stopped my ways of dating just to occupy time and move onto working on myself. I came out of that self discovery into BAMM!!! A devestating heartbreak!!! Karmically I deserve everything that im going thru now. So i accept it. Thanks...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): It's called Karma.Karma's prepping you to do right with the woman you're focusing on.It's a hard rough but needed lesson.
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male
reader, peaceseeker +, writes (6 January 2011):
peaceseeker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for answering my Question. I understand after reading some of the posts up here that there are some people who are in worse situations. But that doesnt make mine any easier. I guess my question was more about why would she post that? Even if she did find "the one". I would have been sensitive to her feelings and not posted anything, like she always had. She always keep her status hidden. She never put up anything too personal on her posts. But I guess I shouldnt be surprised by her behavior. I know there are a whole lot of details I left out for the sake of being brief but how could you talk with someone your in a relationship with about "our kids should be this" and "I dont want our kids doing that" or "look at this apt I found for us" but still not want to be in a serious relationship with them? It's that kind of behavior that I'll never understand.
I know she was monitoring my page and posts. She admitted to it after the break up and during our relationship. She admitted to thinking that I was out there with other girls "doing stuff" (her words) after we broke up. Here is a brief story about this very case: Before we actually stopped dating, I wrote a post on a friends wall. My friend requested me and it had been a while since I've seen or talked to her. I posted something to the effect of " Hey, glad you requested me, I was just thinking about you, you must have sensed it" She later repeated this to me and used that for going out to meet some dude who was after her on that same site. A date, just because she thought I was moving on and trying to hook up with my friend!!!! She admitted to this. maybe she had intentions to meet him anyways and used this incident for her reasons but she told me that was her reason for going out that night. So I know she monitors my page.
I changed my status from "single" (the whole time we were together because I never changed anything about my personal info, I was like her, I'm not too personal on my page either) to "hidden" so that noone could see my status except me. Did I do it because I was fishing to see what she'd do? honestly maybe alittle but I was also trying to get past her and I changed a couple personal things on my page too. 2 days later she changed hers. do you think there is a relation there? And don't you think it's in bad taste to post the very thing that she swore to me was her issue with me? Not that it was meant for me personally but she knew what she was doing. I would'nt have done that. I would have just left it alone, even if I had met "the one"
I also understand that she has the right to do be with whoever she like now. But I also understand that it was always the case and that I truely couldnt own or keep her. even while we were together.
I thank you for your time in answering me and I look forward to hearing what you think about what I just wrote, you Women are crazy!!!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): She didn't set out to break your heart anymore than you did set out to break other women's hearts in the past. She realised that you were not the one, but you have to get to know someone very well in order to make that decision, and it's impossible to get to that level of closeness without getting emotionally involved. So in this case you ended up losing. It is the inevitable "collateral damage" that we all leave behind in the search for our own happiness.She was getting closer and closer in the search for her own happiness and fulfillment, to the point that she was quite ready to commit to a relationship. So she found you. And the relationship you had opened her eyes to what she was really looking for, and maybe gave her the emotional strength and the courage and maybe even the hope to believe that what she was looking for is really out there and it can be found.But it wasn't you.That's why it's taken so little time for her to meet her true love. You brought her closer to it.Of course, that is just my opinion. I only know the facts you wrote - nothing more. I think I also find it therapeutic to write about this.Good luck. Don't give up. You can find it too, some day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): You have to realise that people don't specifically do things to hurt you. It wasn't a case of her thinking '' ok, well here is this great guy, he respects and loves me but hell, I dont want to be in a relationship let me just break his heart!' Sometimes people just do things for their own reasons but end up hurting others around them.
In your case, your partner obviously was not ready to be in a relationship and to give her credit she told you this and moved on. Now, she has put on her Facebook that she is in a relationship. Chances are she could have met the one, or maybe after what she went though with you, she decided she was ready to settle down.
Don't take any of this personally (as hard as that is to NOT do). Yes it hurts, and to you it seems like she moved on too quickly but at the end of the day, you two are broken up and she is free to love whoever she wants and this is something you have to deal with.
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