A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:heyI am from an orthodox middle class family. I met a guy in facebook. He was charming and decent. We fell in love. It was fine then but now he is verbally abusive, calling names argues often. I compromise him every time. Thent he behaves normal after a time limit 5-10 min he says he loves me and hates me too I'm confused what should I do to make this relationship happy .....He is weird sometimes and claims he has some mental health issues. What should I do now help me please I am in pain daily please
View related questions:
facebook, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JAMR  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 Hi there! How long have you two been together? I can understand your frustration. My best friend/boyfriend, who I have been dating for about 2 years now shows a similar behavior as your boyfriend. He can be completely fine and cuddling and cute with me one second and then the smallest thing can set him off into a mood where he is pushing me away and he wants to be alone. I fight to stay by his side and comfort him so he knows that everything is going to be okay and that he just needs to take deep breathes and calm down.. Sometimes he gets worse as I try to comfort him and he will say mean things.. and then 5-10 minutes.. or an hour can go by and he will be okay again and apologize. Sometimes I end up leaving his house to show him that he can't talk to people that way and he ends up calling me later to apologize. After something like this happens we always talk about it after.. he says that he can't control himself. His brain just shuts down and doesn't want to let anything else in and just gives up. And that he doesn't actually want to fight with me or means what he says, he just can't control what is happening to him and feels anxious and shame when I leave and get my feelings hurt. But I KNOW that my guy has mental health issues, we have talked about it in great depth before and he sees a psychiatrist weekly. Right now his psychiatrist is discussing Attachment Disorder with him. They have also discussed Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar. If your man hasn't taken the necessary steps to get help and figure out what’s wrong then you should discuss that with him and tell him how important it is. Take a look into these three disorders and see if anything applies. If he knows what’s wrong with his mental health he should really try to open up to you about it, so that you can understand too. If you understand what is happening with him than that can help him get better and more comfortable about improving his social behavior with you. You guys should be working together on this if you care about each other.Also, keep in mind that you should really think about whether or not a relationship that is causing you “pain” is worth it. I admit that my relationship is tough, but it gets easier if you two try to open up and understand, so that you can help each other. But you need to really think about what you WANT and DESERVE for your life. ? Good luck my dear!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Leave,run as fast as you can this type of abuse is not healthy really no abuse is. Life is to short to put up with other people problems.Now if you don't take heed you will find out more then you already hear next he might try and go up aside your head! Leave I am begging you this is unhealthy !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): You are in a abusive relationship with a man that abuses you so you need to get out. These are his issues and not yours but if you stay with him then they will continue to effect your life as well. So what you need to do is leave him, go online and find the nearest womens refuge then when he's not there pack your stuff, let your friends and family know but tell them not to let him know where you are. You then need to turn your phone off and keep it off until you get your number changed which you need to do as soon as possible because it is likely that he will try and guilt trip you into coming back. And although it might be hard at first its something that you need to do and it will get easier and maybe ask a family member or friend to go with you and when you get to the refuge there will be other women in your situation and there will be people who will help and support you. And if you still question doing something that will bring you your happiness and freedom back then you need to make the decision to either break free or spend the rest of you life with it getting worse snd you continuing to feel the pain that you feel.Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): Don't compromise anymore. If the relationship ends as a result, then it is for the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 You are hurting and in pain daily because HE has mental health issues? Is he being treated, is he on medication or is he simply a bastard who acts like that because he can.
This is not good for you, he has no respect for you, try not compromising, try negotiating, each time he speaks harsh and words of hate dont respond emotionally, just pick up your bag and tell him to contact you when he is ready for a rational adult discussion. Don't accept his bad behaviour.
If he can't, or won't change, then just walk, don't look back but walk away. We all deserve better than that!
Good luck.
...............................
|
