A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Basically I'm just looking for some tips because recently I've started thinking that I'm perhaps quite a possessive and clingy girlfriend. I don't ACT super possessive and clingy as I don't want to come across that way and freak out my boyfriend, but inside I do really worry about things. I don't have a problem with him hanging out with friends that are girls, or going on nights out without me sometimes etc, I just worry. It's not that I don't trust him because I do, although we haven't been going out for very long and my last boyfriend really hurt me. He didn't cheat on me, but he did break my heart and it hurt really badly as he was my first love. I don't want to let my past hurt ruin my new relationship as the guy I'm with now is great and I'm really happy. It's just little things though like when he goes out with the lads and drinks....he gets drunk quite a lot (he's just a student mind you, not an alcoholic!), and I always worry that he will do something silly without knowing what he is doing, or that he will be peer-pressured into stuff. I'm sure I'm just being paranoid for worrying, but I can't help it. It makes me feel like I'm not being trustworthy, even though I really want to trust him and he has never given me a reason not to. The opposite in fact, he says he has very strong views on cheating and never ever would. How can I relax a bit and let go of this overwhelming fear that sometimes hits me? The fear of getting hurt by someone I really care about yet again?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 January 2010):
You have to realize that it's not him, it's the other guy that hurt you and that's the cause of your worries. So you just need to work through you feelings, think about how you were treated and let it go. Maybe talk to some of your friends about it, and talk to your boyfriend as well. He'll want to know how you feel so he can try to reassure you. I was cheated on by my first love on my birthday, so as you can imagine, that rather stung badly. But I'm with a far better woman now, and I don't worry, because I know she is completely different and separate from my ex. Your boyfriend loves you, and won't do anything. Just spend time focusing on your feelings, get them out in the open with him and your friends and talk about them. You'll feel much better about it all.
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