A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am obsessed with my partners ex. I just constantly check her facebook page and look at pictures of her and her husband. My partner and her broke up almost 10 years ago! I think I am going mad, can someone please give me some tips to stop!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Sounds like obsession to me, your thoughts are taking over and you not thinking properly. Check the Dear Cupid site for "retrograde jealousy", it's a terrible condition, similar in nature to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)You need to block her from your faceboook.Then any time you get tempted to stalk her, write down the thoughts you are having. Write down if your jealous, angry, insecure... whatever it is, write it down and concentrate on getting them feelings on paper instead of in your head. Then write down reasons why the thoughts your thinking are nonsense. Retrain your mind to see reality and not the painful fantasy that it currently lives in.You need to find away of distracting yourself. Meditation is good for this, so is counselling, running and swimming.Your thoughts are not rational and they feel uncontrollable. But they can be controlled as soon as you realize, that if you can think about her, you can think about something else instead. The mind can only think one thing at a time. The mind is also fickle and easily distracted.Distract yourself from negative thoughts. Bake a cake, go for a run, anything. The thoughts and obsession will go as soon as your attention is applied to something more useful. Laughter is also good. It's hard to obsess when your laughing your ass off, so call a girlfriend and go do something fun together.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 You have to be objective about life and your boyfriend's past. You have to realize that his ex was in his PAST, when you were not a part of his life. You cannot change his past, nor can anyone. But he broke up with her and he has chosen to be with you. That is a testimony of his feelings for YOU. Had he still been in love with her, he wouldnt have broken up with her 10 years ago! And who doesnt have a past? You're punishing him for something which is totally unfair.
You're just holding on to something that is a mirage. You're holding on to a part of his life which you're just conjecturing in your mind. This woman is married now, you are with your BF, why ruin what you have for the sake of something which is not even there?
Talk to your BF about it, stop feeling insecure, realize that YOU are a part of his life now. All this time that you spend obsessing over the ex is just time wasted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): I've done this too in the past, felt threatened by exes. I felt a little threatened at times with my current boyfriend about exes but not as much as I had before. What further put my insecurities to rest with my current boyfriend were two things. One is when I saw his exes. I realised I had nothing to worry about. The second was a break up we had. We broke up for two months. We ran into each other and have been inseperable since. He opened up to me so much about everything, I realised that he really did love me. My boyfriend through his actions and his words lay all my insecurities to rest. I know that I am the most special relationship he has ever had. I know that I am the one, that nothing he has had previously compares to what we have. I know because he makes me feel this way, he has told me and he shows it. I think it is natural to question the significance of an ex because we always want to outshine their last relationship and often question if we do. But I think that if you are obsessing alot about her it may be that he has put something in your head to make you feel that way. Maybe because he feels that way. I think he needs to show you how significant you are to him for you to get over this. There might be something missing in your relationship and that is why you are obsessing over this ex.Find out what is missing from the relationship. Think about what can your boyfriend do to make you feel more at ease with him. Because if everything were great and perfect between the two of you, you wouldn't be feeling this way. I am not going to account this to paranoia or jealousy. You might be right about your "obsession" and feelings of inadequacy because it may be more than paranoia. Maybe he has said things to you that he shouldn't have said.
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A
female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Haha, facebook does this sometimes....block her. Then you can't "see" her at all. Just don't go in and unblock her!! Maybe if it's not so easy for you to pull her page up, you can better distract yourself with other stuff.
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A
female
reader, msnewbeginning +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Maybe you think she won, even though she moved on and found happinessmove on with your life and quite facebook stalking her. THe more time you spend checking on her, the less time you have to make your relationship better!
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