A
female
age
30-35,
*ul1993
writes:Hello all. I think i need some advice..its always the same issues with me but they get better...then come back haha. I've been with my man now for nearing a year and Im 18years old. At the beginning of the relationship there was butterflies and unbelieveable feeling of love and adoration. I know that i still love him. But its not quite the same feeling. I've spoken to my mother about this and shes told me that what im feeling is completly natural as butterflies and the fluttery feeling you get will not last forever. And i guess shes right. But i cant quite seem to grasp it. I cannot stand to think about what life would be without him. I cannot bare the thought of leaving him..but i hate how this feels so flat almost as if i dont feel anything for him! But again mum says that its normal and i will sometimes feel very strongly for him and sometimes have days when thats not the case. And i guess shes right having been married for 20years she'd know more than me right? And i know its possible for me and my boyfriend to last as long as she did because my mum and dad met at my age and got married a year later, so i guess i should take my mothers good advice. But i just cant come to terms with the fact the fluttery feelings have turned flat...these feelings usually come around 2 weeks before my period starts which i think has a great deal to do with it as the women in my family server bad pms. I'd just like some closure as i cry about this alot. And its bringing my boyfriend down. Thankyou. xx
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (27 April 2011):
If you feel depressed and it persists over a long period of time, you should see a therapist. It could be a sign of depression and had nothing to do with your relationship.
A
female
reader, jul1993 +, writes (26 April 2011):
jul1993 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much guys. You all helped me see the reality of things. I know that the feelings wont go but then i'll look through these answers again..thankyou so much. And thankyou Odds for that link it has alot of usefull information i'll be sure to show my boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 It's hormones. Your hormonal cycle, throughout a day and throughout a month, have a great deal to do with the kind of behavior your find attractive. It's easy to get caught up in thinking it's determingin the kind of man you find attractive (like your boyfriend sometimes, and not others), but if you and he act in a way that fits your desires of the moment, it'd work out easier. It all comes back to evolution.If you have really bad pms, it may indicate bigger hormonal swings than average, so these feelings would be exaggerated.2 Weeks before your period is when you are at your most fertile. During this time, your body craves strong, powerful, dominant men to produce the highest-quality offspring. This is when you'll want a guy for how attractive he is, much more than for how well he treats you. it's when you're most likely to ignore bad treatment in favor of good genes. Studies have shown that women are more likely to cheat during their fertile phase, and are more strongly attracted to masculine features and behaviors (height, good jawlines, stubble, loud and extroverted behavior).In the time directly around your period, your body is less fertile, and more strongly desires a provider-type, caring male who treats you right. It's when you want commitment more than anything else, and are less likely to put up with bad treatment. Similar studies to those above show that women are less likely to cheat, and more attracted to more relaxed, loving male behavior at this time.After a year, most guys will tend to be more relaxed around their girlfriends - and relaxation tends to make them act like provider-types. They'll treat you nice, but make less of an effort to impress you. Earlier in the relationship, he would have been on the lookout for chances to be more impressive, attractive, and confident - despite being a decent guy at heart. It would have been the perfect combo any time of your cycle. The solution would be to start getting him to ramp up his confident, dominant, extroverted behavior before you get to the fertile point of your cycle. Try to do things he is confident and outgoing with during that stage (if he's an athlete, watch him practice; if he's a musician, watch him play in front of people; basically any social situation where he is at his most confident and outgoing works). Or tell him to grow stubble during that time - you can flat-out tell him about the cycle differences if that helps, start here and Google from there:http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/01/11/womans-fertility-steers-attraction-to-macho-men/22495.htmlDon't be embarassed to show him that. Most men respond very positively to any kind of quantifiable explanation of how to be attractive.He can still do all his loving and caring stuff the rest of the month. You just have to work to bring out his more masculine side during and immediately before your fertile phase.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (25 April 2011):
Yeah, butterflies don't last forever. Love isn't what you feel when you feel butterflies. Loves comes afterwards and of course last longer (usually). If you break up and you fall in love again you will have the butterflies back. But then, they are going to go again. And if you keep trying you will see that every time there is less butterflies. So you will learn there is no point in leaving someone you love because there is no more butterfly thing.So I guess maybe you cry because you think you don't love your boyfriend any more. And the very act of crying is telling you that you really love him. And you are afraid of losing him.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Firstly glad you are discussing this with your mom.Your oxytocin levels are probably peaking before your monthly's is all. When your with your BF don't have a lot of physical contact this will increase your oxytocin.It depletes up to 2 weeks after sexual activity so thus could cause post-lovey-dovey blues. It's common.
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