A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I got married in 2012. During the first few months of our marriage, my husband remained busy with his friends, he had very little time for me. He made love to me on rare occasions. Then, I began to hang around with my boss, like fiends. One day, he tried to kissed me in his car. I thought it was a mistake and resisted all his advances towards me. In a few days, I began to start liking the attention I was getting and I really wanted to have a kiss (it had been long my husband had). So, we kissed. It happened a few more times. Then, we had sex. It was not planned, it just happened. Both of us just loved the experience so much that we would go to his house everyday to have sex. I do not have a count of the number of times we did it. Then, my husband and me had to relocate to a different country. My husband changed so much after that. He would cuddle me and pamper me all the time. Sex was still rare. But, I began to realize my mistakes. I called off the relationship(we would have sex chats and had even planned on meeting)I'm not in touch with him anymore.I cannot tell my husband, I love him too much, I am scared he will leave me. I will never ever do this again. But, I feel so guilty all the time and whenever I remember this I cannot do any of my work properly. I spend hours thinking. I'm so guilty I do not know what to do. I want to forget this but, it is not easy. Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): Your so messed up. This guy. Is out working for your future and because he working his butt off, you get off with someone else. Then when he finally has the time to give you it's oh my God what a mistake. You deserve everything that happens from this point on. I hope he finds out before you tell him just so it's that much worse
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2014): Wow. I weep for humanity, the amount of people here that advocate for lies and deceit over truth and choice.
To cheat on someone not just once but multiple times and then to lie about it... not even loving you partner enough to give him the choice as yo whether he can forgive and work on it... it's monstrous.
You lost your right to choose if the relationship lives or dies when you cheated. There are consequences to all our actions. You already hurt him. All you will do by lying is make that pain worse when he finally does find out because he will eeventually. Maybe you confess once the guilt has eaten at you for too long. Or he and you have a fight and in your anger and fury you say what you know is going to hurt the most and tell him then.
It WILL be known. Nothing like this ever stays secret forever. You made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. If you have even the slightest love for this man... let him make the choice to stay or go. Don't trap him with a lie. You would not have him do that to you... would you?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 July 2014):
 Why hurt the man? You are already in your own personal hell. Sharing your guilt trip with him or anyone else close to the situation for that matter will only blow things further out of porportion. Take it to the grave!
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A
female
reader, cupid lover  +, writes (10 July 2014):
My personal opinion about marriage is that the whole institution is outdated so you can take or leave what I have to say.......I have been cheated on before (not in a marriage, just a de facto relationship) and he told me about it. I really wish that he hadn't because it caused me so much pain. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. Can you imagine the turmoil that will come from you telling him?
Cheating is never the answer but you are only human. You stuffed up. Please don't beat yourself up about it too much. Just don't do it again. It's clear from your post that you have learnt your lesson.
I ended up giving my partner another chance but it didn't work out. The reason being that in retrospect I can see that I only got back with him to get revenge. This was subconscious as I have only worked this out recently and this all happened about 8 years ago. So, I got back with him and then made him move house (away from the scene of the crime) and then I cheated on him and left him. He fell into a deep depression, lost his business, contracted hep c and married a slag who cheats on him and parties every weekend without him. Last I heard he was in a mental asylum.
Don't tell your husband.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): "Its better to keep the cheating a secret and spare the person the pain."
Every time I have ever heard this viewpoint it was coming from the mouth of a past or present cheater.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): I was in a similar situation.Althought it was with my boyfriend, and besides the fact that sex never happened, I know the feeling.My boyfriend was also very cold. He would never compliment me, barely kissed me, I had to beg for some love. So I met this guy and he was so nice and he told me how nice and pretty I was. So that happened. It was only a couple hours of one night, so it wasn't a full blown affair, but I feel as bad.My boyfriend actually caught me kissing the guy.Long story short, we broke up, I felt like crawling in a hole and die, but he forgave me. We have been together since (this happened 3 years ago). He changed. I told him how much the guy made me feel appreciated, and he actually understood.This all to say that you CAN cheat on a guy, and still love THE HELL out of him. I love, and I mean, LOVE my boyfriend to death. But I have self worth issues and that moment I was very vulnerable. But never for a second I considered leaving my boyfriend.So I know that it isn't all black and white. The "if you loved him, you wouldn't cheat on him" doesn't apply here.You love your guy, you are happy, he doesn't know, he's happy. You'll tell him, you'll both be broken and miserable for YOUR error that you KNOW you won't do again. If you ever feel like that again, please talk to him before anything else; be honest and clear.Suck it up. Deal with the guilt. It's your punishment for it.Cover your tracks. Where I live, we have a saying that reads "eyes that don't see is a heart that doesn't feel". He'll suffer nothing if he knows nothing.Pray he never finds out, be decent, treat him right and be happy and never do this again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2014): Tell the truth. He needs and deserves to know about this. About what you will do when you hit even the most minor of bumps in a relationship. You made your move and now you must give him the choice to forgive and salvage the relationship or to leave the relationship and move on.
To deny him that choice basically means that you don't really love him. Because if you did you would respect his right to have a say in these matters.
I am sorry. It is harsh. But you screwed up. Did you not think that there would be consequences?
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (9 July 2014):
If you loved your husband so much you wouldn't of had an affair. This wasn't a one time mistake, this happened over and over again daily. You said you resisted all his advance and then a few days later you kissed, sorry but that is not resistance.You should feel guilty for what you did, you had a full blown affair. You have to choose whether or not you want to come clean and be honest with your husband so you can work through it or move on (his decision) or live with the guilt and let it eat away at you every day. If you start feeling neglected again talk to your husband and work things through dont go and have an affair with another man. Husbands are allowed to go out but if it is too often (to me too often is more than three nights a week without you) then talk to him and let him know.
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