A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*Sighs*...Here it goes.I am 20 years old and my girlfriend is 30 and we have been together for 2 years. She is from another country and I moved there to be with her. I became confused and just obsessively negative about the relationship upon moving, maybe cos I knew no people, had no friends, couldn't speak language and became overly dependant on her etc...She does everything for me. We live together. She cooks she cleans she loves me so much, she makes more money, she cuts my hair even, it's like, why would I resent her for being so nice to me? When I moved it became more. I had to like, ask her for help with everything. I then stupidly cheated on her and told her immediately after the event in tears, she somehow saw the guilt on my face and it came out.. I was protected etc and will never see the girl again. She also forgave me the next day (tho it's not that simple)I am so shocked at myself. I have only slept with 2 girls before and these were both very serious relationships. I have no idea what came over me. It seems a temporary bout of insanity or maybe just immaturity and oppurtunism (the girl was into me just for my foreign status and youth and looks). I talked obsessively of my hatred of cheaters before this - yet here I am. I liked being innocent sexually. I prided myself on it, yet my gf was not from her past and I was obsessed with that aspect. So I kinda weirdly...thought...destroy my innocence so I can relate to her better? Which makes no sense at all. God I am an idiot. I also thought in the future I would think about straying, so why not do it to see how horrible it is and then never desire it again? Tho of course the guilt overwhelms the fantasy in terms of torture, I didn't take that into account.Anyway, since it happened, the poison has almost been a a potion to my mind regarding her. I NOW see everything good about her that I ignored and didn't see before. I KNEW all these good things but when i thought about them my mind just thought 'yeah but what about that...'. I have no idea why....but in a way maybe it was a test of myself and how much I liked her? We were talking of breaking up and maybe I was confused as to whether I DID care as much as in the past. Well the answer now is clear.Why did I have to ruin my life and moral conscience to appreciate it? I've been sick with guilt and drinking heavily since it happened.What shall I do with my life? I can't make it through the day without my heart thumping inside my chest like a gong. I keep imagining me life like 50 years from now and still regretting this. I really hurt a girl who has already had a hard time in love. Who loved me with all her heart, who treasured me, who couldn't stop talking about me to her friends and was so proud to be my girlfriend.She thought I was the one, a different and special boy - and I was? And now? I fall to the same sinful temptations as many a weak man before me.
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male
reader, Pyroshadow  +, writes (2 October 2010):
My girlfriend has cheated on me. Unlike you, she was not brave enough to admit it to me. I found out when i was helping her migrate her email over to my domain. I saw the email convo and time stamp that indicated that it happened when we were dating.
I was devestated. I broke up with her for a week. I still am 'upset' with her. And it kills me to know that she has been unfaithful. What kills me more is that while she was cheating on me, I had the chance to cheat on her too, but I didnt.
I know she has to live with this guilt for rest of her life. I love her and as much as i know she wont do it again, the fear is still there. I do plan on marrying her but i still keep tabs on her to make sure. Its just crazy paranoya. that she could lie to me that easily for so long.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Stop trying to make excuses and explanations in your mind to justify why you cheated on her. You did a horrible thing, which makes you not special, but as typical and mediocre as a person can get. If she has it in her heart to forgive you, she can still be yours, but if not, then you got what you deserve. If I was her, I would have kicked you out of the house that very night you told me. There is a good possibility that your relationship will not survive this. Relationships are not MEANT to survive cheating. But if it does, thank your lucky stars.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Make it up to her by showing her how much you love her, make her happy everyday so you can both forget about it and so you can remind yourself about how much you love her. and stop drinking so heavily.
I hope that helps.
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