A
female
age
36-40,
*oodle34
writes:i was in a really bad relationship on and off for about 6 years i moved states away to be with this guy and we eventually broke it off. i met up with an old friend that ive knows for a really long time and he was over seas for a few years and i havent seen him in quite a while. he ended up moving really close to me when he came back to the states so we decided to meet up and hang out. a friendship turned into something more way more actually and he moved to another state for school and we had planned that i was going to go up there and move in with him. well my ex came over and i havent seen him in months and months and i had told him that i was moving in with another guy and that i really care about this other guy and we decided to just try to be civil and have some sort of friendship. we ended up going out and i got really really drunk and he kept pshing us to have sex and for the whole night i had said no and then i gave in. and i didnt even really have sex for long it wasa really weird fast thing and i got up immediatly and ran to the bathroom and cried. i ended up telling my boyfriend what i did and now hes trying to forgive me but he also says a part of him cant forgive me. i feel like its broken and i messed up so bad that i dont know how to say sorry should i just end it myself or fight for it? i dont know what to do. i dont know why i even slept with my ex i dont want to be with him and my new guy is the most wonderful man ive ever met. so should i not waste my time trying to work on things? i dont know if this can be mended.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (22 October 2011):
well I think it's up to your boyfriend whether or not this relationship continues.
either way you should really try to figure out why you did what you did. Why did you cheat on someone you love? why did you go back to someone you didn't want to be with let alone give in to his pressure? What changes do you need to make in your life or attitudes or beliefs about relationships, to ensure you don't do this again?
Walking away won't in and of itself do any good unless you also learn from your mistake and change something about yourself so this doesn't happen again.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 October 2011):
I just think you need to walk away and really focus on your own life to be honest. You went back to an ex and cheated on your boyfriend. Whether you like it or not, that's pretty much a sure sign that your current boyfriend isn't the one for you. Also, I don't think your current boyfriend will ever actually forgive you. Start over, don't make the same mistake again. This relationship doesn't stand a chance.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 October 2011):
 So you moved to be with your now ex and it turned out to be a very bad relationship. And now you've met an old friend and are planning to move again and live with him.
Plus, you saw your old ex, because you hadn't seen him in months and wanted to try to be friends and be civil to one another - I ask you: WHY? Why would you even WANT to see him again if the relationship was so bad, let alone try to have a friendship????
So what happened was that he kept pushing you to have sex; you got very drunk and gave in. Telling us "I didn't really have sex for very long, it was very fast" doesn't cut it, you know. The truth is you DID have sex whether willingly or not.
You say the new guy is trying to forgive you, and he's a wonderful guy; you really want to be with him.......well, that's how you feel right now, but if you remember, you probably felt that way when you first went to go live with the ex, right?
Personally, I think you need to look at the judgment calls you have made in the past concerning these men. You really didn't, (and haven't, as getting drunk and having unwilling sex demonstrates) acted in your own best interests.
I think you need to step back from this new man and work on making a better life for yourself, rather than trying to rush into another situation that might or might not be the best decision for your life.....I'm really not at all surprised, all things considered, that the new man says part of him can't forgive you.......I'm sorry, but there it is.
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A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver +, writes (21 October 2011):
 hunni u shoulda got out when he started pressurising you. you may have had 1 to many drinks but you wer saying no and you have legs, sorry if this sounds harsh.you should have just gone straight back home...it will take time for your boyfriend to forgive you and it will be hard but if he reali is worth this then you both need to talk this out and say how you feel and take it from there, i hope all works out x
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