A
female
age
41-50,
*unnykrys23
writes:Ok we have known each other since we were 16 years old. We met in a fantasy not even looking for love. So we start off as friends and keep in touch over the years. Nine years later we decide to take it to the next level after just being in a long distant friendship. I live in ATL he lives in NYC. So at the end of 2006 beginning of 2007 we were in a relationship to become married. In this time we went through some difficult times together, but the good times were as equal. I ended up cheating and we weren't engaged when it happened, but he found out. I believe he lost his confidence in me at that point, but we still mended it together. Altogether we end up leaving each other to go our separate ways. Now after almost 6 mos. he wants me back. He actually wants me to move all the way to NYC from my home town. I think about him everyday, but I don't know if I will just be doing this out of reconcilliation but somewhere in me just wants to up and leave in his arms. Is there anyone else out there I can trust again?
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broke up, confidence, engaged Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hunnykrys23 +, writes (11 October 2007):
hunnykrys23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot ya'll. This has been boggling my mind since we split and it's been an unnerving experience. This is great insight for me now I am able to handle this situation a lil bit better. If there is anyone else who would like to let me know how best they'd handle the situation, PLEASE feel free LET ME KNOW!
A
female
reader, S - soadlover :-)  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 him asking you to move to where he is is probably a kind of test to see how much he means to you unfair i know but he probably needs this reasurance
i wouldnt go rushing into things, it didnt work last time exactly so i think you should iron out anything you need to before jumping in with both feet
if he truely loves you he wont mind taking baby steps at first to slowly settel back to how you were if he loves you he will wait untill your ready to trust and be in a relationship again
good luck with it :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): You both need time to see if the relationship will work before making such a big commitment.
Couples can and do get past cheating, but it is more an exception.
If you love someone and they cheat on you, it doesn't mean that you suddenly stop loving them. At the time you are confused because you want to be with them, but another part of you doesn't. What can happen is, that need of wanting to get back together is so great, it is at the expense of properly dealing with the betrayal.
When people try to repress betrayal it eventually comes out in a way that makes the relationship abusive. That person's love can turn from love to bitterness, resentment, jealousy if not properly dealt with.
Until you can be sure that your ex can get through what happened, and that you too are able to adequately support him so that he trusts that you won't do it again, I would say hold back on moving to be with him.
If having a relationship means you'll have to be long-distance, and see less of each other, that is what it will take to be able to see whether or not what you both have is strong enough and lasting enough to get through it all.
Become a couple, see how things go with each other. I think you'll soon see if the relationship will work or not.
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